Bremen Town Musicians Part 2 Transcript

Micah (Knob Twister): 0:00

Are you ready? Are you ready? I'm ready. Welcome to Tales of Bedlam. I'm your host, Knob Twister Yeehaw. And now for the exciting conclusion of the Musicians of Bremen.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:21

Ooh.

Micah (Knob Twister): 0:27

If you don't know what's going on right now, go back one week and listen to the first one.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:32

Yes.

Micah (Knob Twister): 0:34

Part 2. Yes, that's correct, part 2. Of the Grimm's Fairy Tale, what's 2 in German? Who knows Neins? No, nein is no in German. Who knows Nines? No, nine is no in German.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:50

I know that one.

Micah (Knob Twister): 0:53

Remember. We want to bring out the fear of displacement and loss due to old age and disability that you can find in this story. Nobody knows what you're talking about anymore. All the displacement and loss is over with. That was in the first part. Oh See, this is where this is the good part. This is where things get better for the musicians. This is where it gets weird and silly, or Spoiler.

Micah (Knob Twister): 1:23

Better. If you'd like to say it, does so. Sofasitter, please start us off Killing me. You're killing me. Smalls, they could not reach the city of Bremen in one day, however Really I mean, you know this is a fairy tale. They're old, yeah, but Old.

Micah (Knob Twister): 1:45

You ever seen an old donkey move? They could have come upon a flying carpet. They move pretty slow, okay, and in the evening they came to a forest where they missed past the night. They're camping. It's a little old friend's camp out. That's pretty cool. Camping it's his little friend's camp out, that's pretty cool. The donkey and the hound laid themselves under a large tree. That's good.

Micah (Knob Twister): 2:11

The cat and the cock settled themselves in the branches. Yeah, as they would, that's where I'd be, but. But the cock flew right up to the top, where he was the most safe From the cat, because he wasn't going to sleep by the cat. That's right, because the cat might get some munchies. And the cat's just lazy. But now the cat's hungry. So Well, the cat's so lazy he's not going to climb to the top of the tree, but if the rooster had perched next to him.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:40

He'd have eaten him.

Micah (Knob Twister): 2:45

Before he went to sleep he looked around on all four sides and thought he saw in the distance a little spark burning Weird. So he called out to his companions that there must be a house not far off, for he saw a light. Maybe it's a troll or a forest fire. I don't think a forest fire would be a spark. It's a start of a forest fire. True that I think it's a troll fire. Maybe it's just a campfire. Why has it got to be a house? It's a troll, troll, troll it is, the donkey said. If so, we had better get up and go on for shelter. Here is bad man, everything's just so down with the donkey. Thanks for noticing me. Just like a. Just like eeyore. No, it's just like a face. Uh, it's no, it's just like a face, it's just like a Are you all right, it's a face like three rainy days.

Micah (Knob Twister): 3:56

It's a three rainy day, donkey. He's very sad. The hound thought too that a few bones with some meat on would do some good. So they made their way to the place where the light was and soon saw it shine brighter and grow larger. It's troll. Until they came to the troll, den Dun-dun-dun, bones scattered the ground and then Gandalf showed up. What, gandalf? What are you doing here? That's what happened. I thought you were dead. Well, he's Gandalf the White. Now, that's right, turns them all to stone. No, none of this happened. So until they came to a well-lighted robber's house, didn't have a sign. I don't know. How do they know it's a robber's house? Is it on the mailbox? Home of the robbers?

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 5:01

Did they have the?

Micah (Knob Twister): 5:02

little tile thing flapping in the wind with a mask on it, a little bandit mask 1432, thieves Way the crap.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 5:12

They don't know. It's a robber's house.

Micah (Knob Twister): 5:16

They're just assuming. The donkey as the biggest went to the window and looked in. That's a good plan. I think you said before maybe they'll have like robber masks on. Well, they don't know that. Now it's to conceal their identity, right. But they came upon a house and immediately said it was a robber's house it had to have some sign outside. I wouldn't advertise that if I was a thief. Well, I wouldn't advertise that if I was a thief. Well, I wouldn't either, it's kind of might lead the local police department to your place.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 5:52

There's no afford your hideout.

Micah (Knob Twister): 5:55

Maybe it's the robber's guild. So the donkey was the biggest, so he went to look into the window. Good plan. Donkey was the biggest, so he went to look into the window Good plan.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:09

This just in Unrelated to previous reporting of barnyard boy bands. We are getting reports of a spree of robberies in Bremen.

Micah (Knob Twister): 6:23

Authorities are advising at this time to latch your doors and keep your hearth fires burning brightly. It's back. Oh my gosh, I thought we were done with this. I, you know, I like. I went through my software and everything. I checked all my bugs. I can't figure out where this is coming from.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:40

I don't know.

Micah (Knob Twister): 6:40

I'm still on. Do not disturb, it's not coming from me, but it seems to know an awful lot about what we're talking about. You know, I think I might just go and lock the door. I'll be right back. You didn't leave. Well, I'll put the sound effects in later. Okay, so I'm back. I'm just a little worried. You know that, that the crime spree. I would really hate for someone to come in and steal. You know, our tv, my drink, kids, um, your good whiskey, yeah, while we're just up here recording in the record bedroom.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 7:24

Well, didn't they say, it was in Bremen?

Micah (Knob Twister): 7:26

The studio bedroom. It's quite a ways away, but you never know. They did. Oh yeah, you're right, this is in Germany.

Micah (Knob Twister): 7:36

Why are we getting broadcast news from Germany and why is it in English and not German? So many questions, so few answers. Well, I guess we should get back to the story Moving along. What do you see? My gray horse Asked the cock. What do I see? My gray horse Asked the cock. What do I see? Answered the donkey. I just got it. He called him a gray horse. I don't get it. Ha, Is that an insult to the donkey? He's an old horse-like creature. He's a gray horse. This is a Gandalf joke. Old horse-like creature. He's a gray horse. This is a Gandalf joke. What do I see? Answered the donkey A table covered with good things to eat and drink and robbers sitting at it enjoying themselves. Me and Debbie Downer what that would be the sort of thing for us, said the cock. I agree wholeheartedly.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 8:41

Good things to eat drink.

Micah (Knob Twister): 8:45

Yes, yes, oh, if only we were there, said the donkey. Then the animals took counsel together how they should manage to drive away the robbers and at last they thought of a plan.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 9:00

It's always good to have a plan they conspired Mission impossible.

Micah (Knob Twister): 9:06

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, dun dun dun, dun, dun.

Micah (Knob Twister): 9:14

The donkey was to place himself with his four feet upon the window ledge, the hound was to jump up on the donkey's back, the cat was to climb upon the dog and, lastly, the cock was to fly up and perch upon the head of the cat. This is a weird plan. When this was done, at a given signal, they began to perform their music together. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Do they have the lute and the drums with them? I assume so. Otherwise they are going acapella. There was a report of acapella bands. That is true. I remember we had a breaking news update on that. So they're going to make a totem pole and then play music. Pretty much Okay. It would probably sound something like this no, it don't, it would be awful. Just give it a chance. Sofusetter theater.

Micah (Knob Twister): 10:21

Dear god that that was I wish I think I wish I had some chopsticks so I jam them into my eardrums. I I thought that their upbeat tempo and smooth jazz with a hint of uh, r&b was it was just. It was good. That sounded like someone skinning a coyote alive. It sounded like three rainy days. It was certainly awful and there was no reason for it, and my ears are ashamed of you. The donkey brayed, the hound barked, the cat mewed and the cock crowed. So they don't have instruments, they're just singing. No, I guess not. They left their instruments up at their campsite maybe. Then they burst through the window into the room, shattering the glass. So they made all this racket outside the window. And who burst through the window? All of them, they, they. How'd they do that? How did the donkey get through the window? This is one of those large picture, large picture windows so that passers-by cops can see what the robbers are doing in their den.

Micah (Knob Twister): 11:38

See the masked men sitting around with their huge picture window. And so that that unmarked van has a good view and can collect evidence In early 1800s Germany.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 11:51

Yes.

Micah (Knob Twister): 11:52

Yes, of course I'm sorry, unmarked carriage. Of course I'm sorry, unmarked carriage, holy crap. All right. So the donkeys threw the picture glass. At this horrible din, the robbers sprang up what Thinking that there was no other option than a ghost had come in and fled in a great fright out into the forest. Ah, oh, dear lord, so this ghost is breaking windows, can't they just like flit through walls? That's true. I don't think these robbers are very smart. No, they're not. They're advertising. Yep, for one are very smart.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 12:35

No, they're not, they're advertising.

Micah (Knob Twister): 12:36

Yep, for one, they're advertising. Two, they have a picture of floor-to-ceiling giant picture window that looks into the room where they count their loot. Yeah, something's off here. Yeah, the four companions now sat at the table. Mm-hmm, what? Okay, well, content with what was left Because the robbers are gone now. Right, but how did these animals sit at the table? Sure, the rooster sat on the table. The cat sat on the table.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 13:09

Mm-hmm, the dog could have sat in a chair with his head at the table. Okay, the donkey's not sat in a chair. With his head at the table. Sat in a chair Okay, the donkey's not sitting on a chair. The donkey would have to just stand at the table, I think.

Micah (Knob Twister): 13:21

Thanks for noticing. All right, the four companions now sat down at the table, well content with what was left, and ate as if they were going to fast for a month. So they were gluttonous, yes, as soon. I wonder what the christ child thought of that. As soon as the four menstruals had done, they put out the light and each sought for himself a sleeping place according to his nature and to what suited him, because they haven't really done anything according to the nature so far. True that I'm. I'm not arguing, man. This just gets weirder and weirder, just like they do every time the donkey laid himself down upon some straw in the yard.

Micah (Knob Twister): 14:04

So they broke into this house so he could go sleep in the yard. That's right. Nobody knows what's going on. The hound behind the door, the cat upon the hearth near the warm ashes.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:18

That sounds good. It's a kitty spot.

Micah (Knob Twister): 14:21

And the cock perched himself upon a beam of the roof. He roosted and, being tired from their long walk, they soon went to sleep. I hear you, buddy.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:36

Update. Cia and cooperating agencies have announced the roaming band of aging animals known as the Barnyard Boys do not pose a threat. They have been booked for a benefit concert in Bremen for the victims of the recent spree of robberies. You can purchase tickets at StubHub.

Micah (Knob Twister): 14:58

I'm baffled. I'm in. Where's my wallet? Do you have StubHub on your? Phone oh my gosh, let me look, we have got.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 15:08

I mean it's a good cause.

Micah (Knob Twister): 15:10

It's a good cause, Dustin. Yeah, but it's horrible music. Just go to iTunes and download the app. I'll give you my credit card and we're going to go. I'll give you my credit card and we're going to go. Thank you, strange German newscasting service that keeps breaking into my bedroom where we record our podcast. I guess you can't say no to a benefit concert, but I'm bringing earplugs. Oh, and it's a good cause. Oh, good Lord. The tickets are $75. Gee many.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 15:44

Christmas.

Micah (Knob Twister): 15:44

Yeah, but it comes with a free bale of hay, ah, and I hope that it comes with free chopsticks. Moving along past that complete waste of money. When it was past midnight, the robbers saw from afar that the light was no longer burning in their house and all appeared quiet, but they thought that was a ghost. Whatever the captain said, we ought not to have let ourselves be frightened out of our wits no, you should not have and ordered one of them to go and examine the house. Who drew that straw? Maybe they did draw straws, they had had to have.

Micah (Knob Twister): 16:21

The messenger, finding all, still, went into the kitchen to light a candle and, taking the glistening fiery eyes of the cat For live coals, he held a lucifer match to them to light it. Whoa, whoa, what's a lucifer match?

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:39

What is a lucifer match? How come I didn't see that the first time through? Is that the devil's?

Micah (Knob Twister): 16:42

match. Is that like the hellfire that they used in Greek fire? I don't know, but this is getting creepy. But the cat did not understand the joke, neither did I, and flew in his face spitting and scratching. Well, yeah, he tried to light the cat on fire. Cats don't usually go for that, not that I'd know. He was dreadfully frightened and ran to the back door, but the dog who lay there sprang up and bit his leg and as he ran across the yard by the dunghill, what?

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 17:22

The dunghill. He says dunghill what?

Micah (Knob Twister): 17:24

The dunghill. It really says dunghill. That's gross. Why is a donkey sleeping by the dunghill? He's not coming up in the world, is he? He's sleeping in crap In the straw by the dunghill. Why is there a dunghill? Well, they gotta put that stuff somewhere. They don't have plumbing. They couldn't dig a hole, they wouldn't make a hill then, you know what they need. We've already established these robbers weren't smart to begin with. How long have they been there? That there's a hill, that that's a lot of crap. You know what they need.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 18:01

They need indoor plumbing oh, yeah, those are cool, you know when my plumbing doesn't work.

Micah (Knob Twister): 18:09

Instead of calling a plumber, I just order for some dung beetles from africa. You can get them too. Uh, they just roll it up in a ball and take it out, yeah what a whole line of them.

Micah (Knob Twister): 18:20

Just go out my back door, and they don't't. I never got to the end of the documentary. I didn't figure out what the dung beetles did with it. Well, they lay eggs in them. Gross I'm done. That's why I didn't. I didn't want to know. That's why I didn't finish it. I just thought it was funny. I'm rolling it around. The donkey gave him a smart kick with his hind foot. Yowch, that's not a smart kick, oh, that's an ouch. The cock too, who had been awakened by the noise and had become lively, cried down from the beam. Cock-a-doodle-doo, he's getting into it cheering him on.

Micah (Knob Twister): 19:00

Then the robber ran back fast as he could to his captain and said oh, there's a horrible witch sitting in the house who spat on me and scratched my face with her long claws oh my, and by the door stands a man with a knife who stabbed me in the leg. Hmm, I think he's misinterpreting this. Well, he didn't know. And in the yard lies a black monster who beat me with a wooden club, and above upon the roof sits the judge who called out Bring the rogue here to me. So I got his way as well as I could. Wow, kick their butts.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 19:41

Newsflash. The CIA is now investigating reports of a new gang roaming the area of Bremen, consisting of a witch, a slasher and a black monster. Please stay tuned for details as we receive them.

Micah (Knob Twister): 20:00

These newscasts? They can't get anything right. A slasher, A slasher. A witchher, a witch and a black monster. Oh my, oh my fake news. You think they do a little research before they release this and get the public all excited? Still, I'm gonna go load my shotgun, just to be safe. Oh, this is in germany, my shotgun just to be safe.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 20:28

Oh, this is in germany, but you never know the robbers didn't hang out, but the newscast is here.

Micah (Knob Twister): 20:31

It's like bouncing off mars or something weird satellite thing, I don't know. I still don't know what's going on. I'm confused. Well, I guess we gotta finish the story, though. After this, the robbers never again dared enter the house. They were done with that. But it suited the four musicians of Bremen so well that they did not care to leave it anymore, and the mouth of him who last told the story is still warm. It's true, he may have just recently died, but his lips are still warm. I'm the last one who told the story, and my mouth is warm. Oh, that would go for me too. Nicely done. You didn't touch your tongue, though, like I did, so you don't even know.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 21:16

You could have a cold tongue.

Micah (Knob Twister): 21:17

My lips feel nice. This is getting weird. So they lived happily ever after in the house. That's it. They didn't go on to become musicians, apparently, but they're booked In Bremen. What the heck Right? Maybe they're still going to go. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Dustin Bing oh God, I thought I turned that off. Oh yeah, look at this. Tickets canceled sub hub. What?

Micah (Knob Twister): 21:53

yeah, I was still looking forward to that. No, I can't say that's the worst thing in the world, but uh, oh, and we don't get the processing feedback. That what? That's perfect. What a bunch of crap. Oh, I hate StubHub. I'm not doing StubHub anymore, that's for sure. Just delete that app. That's all for today.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 22:15

It is all for today.

Micah (Knob Twister): 22:18

If you like what you heard, go to our website at TalesOfBedlamcom. Comment on this episode. Dot com, and the mouth of him who last told this story is still warm. Good night Bye. What a weird ass story. I see I was about a donkey.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 22:49

Oh boy.