Carried Away By the Wind Transcript
Micah (Knod Twister): 0:06
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam. I'm your host, Knob Twister.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:11
And for posterity, I'm Sofasitter.
Micah (Knod Twister): 0:17
We're a podcast that takes fairy tales, dissects them, tries to insert a small amount of humor and then spit them out at our adoring listeners like word vomit.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:35
You're also pretty and cute.
Micah (Knod Twister): 0:38
Today we're continuing on our Slavic folklore, which we'll probably do for quite some time, because we really like Russia, Ukraine, Poland, Bulgaria, Serbia and other countries.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:52
We like all the Erbias.
Micah (Knod Twister): 0:54
Yes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:55
I really like Suburbia.
Micah (Knod Twister): 0:57
And today we have another Polish tale.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 1:01
You're even laughing at my joke.
Micah (Knod Twister): 1:03
Sorry Ha ha, ha, ha ha.
Micah (Knod Twister): 1:06
Carried away by the wind. Polish tale. You didn't even laugh at my joke, sorry.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 1:09
Carried away by the wind. Oh, it was more Polish. Yes, as in the sausage.
Micah (Knod Twister): 1:14
Yes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 1:15
Alright, a certain magician I like the way this is starting. I like that a lot. Being angry with a young peasant, came to the hut where he lived and stuck a new sharp knife under the threshold Isn't that weird? Repeating an incantation as he did so. So this isn't like a pick a card out of the deck magician. This is like a wizard.
Micah (Knod Twister): 1:42
Yes, this is a super powerful pissed off wizard.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 1:46
Well, this is a super powerful pissed off wizard. Well, now you're just spoiling it just said so he said he's angry. A certain magician. I think of David Copperfield or Harry Houdini.
Micah (Knod Twister): 1:59
No, this isn't fake.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:01
Okay, accompanied by this wish this isn't fake. Okay, accompanied by this wish, may this peasant be seized and carried away by the wind into the air. Amen, there to remain for seven whole years.
Micah (Knod Twister): 2:15
Preach it, pastor, I mean wizard Wizard. I just wanted to point out because I thought this was cool Witches and maybe wizards Used black handled knives, called a tames, in all their rituals, even today. Okie dokie, that's not on my paper, that's just something I looked up, hidden knowledge. Why would you look that up? Well, because our previous story, the demons dance, also had a knife used in a ritual. So I was like I need to look these knives up. Maybe I can get me one of them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:55
Well, the other story was just a knife blessed with holy water, but it had to be new.
Micah (Knod Twister): 2:59
You know we live in the Ozarks. The next large tornado. I need to have that consecrated knife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 3:07
There's plenty of Catholic churches around. They keep the Holy Rotter right by the door.
Micah (Knod Twister): 3:10
Well, maybe I just need an attain, maybe I should have one of both and just throw both of them and see what happens.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 3:17
I'm ordained, I'll bless water for you.
Micah (Knod Twister): 3:25
I don't even know what to say. It true, I'll show you my certificate the peasant went into the fields to make hay when, all of a sudden, a great wind rose. It scattered the hay over the field and seized the peasant himself. In vain, he struggled. In vain, he caught hold with his strong, oh dear.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 3:56
Is this a Sharknado story?
Micah (Knod Twister): 3:59
Wait, cut that last part out. That is not true. It was not a Sharknado, it was a Knife-nado. I am not finishing the.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 4:05
it was not a sharknado, it was a knife. Nato.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 4:06
I am not finishing the story of the sharknado uh born jason with an e, born for some reason, uh, as if on the wings of the wind. Among the clouds, he flew like a wild pigeon. That was very poetic. The sun began already to disappear in the west and the hungry peasant could see the smoke ascending from the cottages in his village where supper was cooking. I wonder if they're having brandy and bacon. At one time he could almost touch the chimney pots with his feet and he screamed aloud for help. But he screamed and wept in vain. No one heard his cries or saw his bitter tears. The end.
Micah (Knod Twister): 4:57
That's a very sad story. Dustin is literally teared up. I'm going to need a tissue. Wait, there's another page to this. Oh, there's more. Oh, there is. It's not over yet, dustin, this could still turn out good. He was thus carried about in the air for nearly three months. You know, scratch, that this is not good.
Micah (Knod Twister): 5:25
Let's just quit.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 5:27
Well, I hope it was like Wizard of Oz and there was cows flying around with something to eat.
Micah (Knod Twister): 5:31
And by that time, from hunger and thirst had become dried up like a piece of wood. Apparently there was not. He traveled over a large part of the world, but the wind carried him chiefly over the village where he had lived. With tears in his eyes he would look on the hut where dwelt his betrothed it was very sad.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 5:55
I'm trying to figure out how he's crying if there's no water and he's all withered up.
Micah (Knod Twister): 6:00
He's dried up like a piece of wood.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:02
So there's no tears. Well, those are metaphorical tears. You know, you throw a piece of wood, so there's no tears. Well, those are metaphorical tears.
Micah (Knod Twister): 6:07
You know, you throw a piece of wood in the fire, he crackles, sometimes because of the perspiration or the water coming out from, like deep in the wood. Deep in the wood, water and sap.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:24
I'm not sure that's relevant. We'll move on.
Micah (Knod Twister): 6:28
Will those deep feelings came out and with them tears. You feel me, I got you now I guess I wouldn't know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:39
I don't know anything about crying. He would see her coming out with dinner for some of the family. He would spread his thin cold arms towards her and call her by name. His voice would die in his throat while the girl would not even look up. This is awful. Oh man, away and away. The peasant was born by the wind, born with an E, again, for some reason, jason. Presently he saw the cruel magician standing before his own house.
Micah (Knod Twister): 7:15
Is the magician going to make a move on his girl, the heck hey. Spoiler.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 7:20
I haven't read it. I can't spoil it if I hadn't read it.
Micah (Knod Twister): 7:23
Well, you might just have.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 7:25
Well, apparently I could write these things. The magician looked up and shouted to him Ah, I am not done with you yet. You shall be thus carried by the wind over your own village for seven long years. You shall suffer constantly and wish you were dead, but you shall not be able to die. Okay, sorcerer Tim, what the um? I want to know what this dude did to the magician. Jeez seems severe, what? What did he do to tick him off?
Micah (Knod Twister): 8:02
Oh, I, you know, I guess I can't say anything oh all right, but it is weird because I don't think that's ever answered.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 8:12
I just want to make sure I don't do it.
Micah (Knod Twister): 8:14
Oh, oh, my little father, my master, forgive me if I I have offended you, Cried the poor fellow from above. Look at me. See, my mouth is as dry as a chip. Look at my face and my hands. The flesh is gone from them and the bones only are left. Have mercy on me.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 8:39
Yeah, I don't think he's going to make it to seven years.
Micah (Knod Twister): 8:42
Do you want me to tell you about this little bit on this? I don't know if this is a tangent, but I thought it was kind of interesting because I was like, what's my little father? Yeah, what's my little father, don't you think that kind of stood out. It was kind of odd, I don't know. Okay, so this might get cut out, but it's really interesting because Nicholas II, the Tsar of Russia, the Tsar Uh-huh, in 1894,. He ruled over unmodernized empire but he was perceived by the masses as the divine power, like oh god okay all the money and his name get.
Micah (Knod Twister): 9:24
This was a little father czar and it was really cool as he was good buddies with rasputin oh the magician, but other people in other countries around, like Poland, had another nickname for him other than the little father, nicholas the Bloody Sweet. Anyway, I thought that was kind of cool. I thought that stood out. So carry on, my good sir.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 9:51
I think I'd rather be Nicholas the Bloody. Well that's a bit morbid. The magician whispered a few words and the peasant stopped in his circular motion and remained still in the air. It is all very well to ask my pardon, but what will you promise to give me if I let you down?
Micah (Knod Twister): 10:14
I'll let your ass fall, cried the poor peasant, and he put his hands together, as in supplication, and knelt down in the air. He knelt down in the air In the air, knelt, knelt in the air.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 10:28
Will you give me your sweetheart, demanded the magician. I want her for my wife. We're not going to ask her about this. Here we go, here we go. If you will promise to give her to me, I will let you come down once more to the earth.
Micah (Knod Twister): 10:48
The peasant was silent for a moment and thought to himself Well geez, when I am once more on the ground, I'll see what can be done. He therefore called out to the magician you ask a great sacrifice from me, but if it can't not be otherwise, let it be as you will hereupon, the magician blew upon him what?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 11:14
and he came down to the ground. Oh, how happy he was when he felt that he could walk and the wind had no more power over him. He hastened home before the door he met has betrothed and she punched him in the face. Um no, no, skip the face punching part. At the sight of her long lost lover, over whose fate she had often wept, the astonished girl cried out with surprise Ah, that was painful.
Micah (Knod Twister): 11:48
The peasant pushed her gently aside and went into the house Because he was freaking hungry. He's dry as wood. He probably was thirsty too. He probably wanted some brandy, you and bacon.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 12:02
Lady, you're not my concern anymore. Out of my way, I'm hungry.
Micah (Knod Twister): 12:05
That's right. I need a Gatorade Stat, maybe an IV there. He saw the farmer who employed him and said to him, with tears in his eyes I can't serve you any longer, nor can I, oh dear Nice. And seeing how sorrowful was his thin, pale face, formerly so fat and rosy, he asked the reason why he refused to marry his daughter.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 12:46
The peasant told him all his journey in the air and the promise he had made to the magician. The farmer, having heard him out, bade the poor fellow to be of good cheer. Then he took a purse full of money and went to a witch, baba Yaga. He went to a witch for advice. Baba Yaga, of course he did, why wouldn't you? When he returned in the evening he was smiling and happy and said to the peasant Go tomorrow before daylight to the witch and all will be right. The peasant, weary as he was, went to bed. Baba Yaga, what else would a witch be doing?
Micah (Knod Twister): 13:34
The witch told him to stand quietly by, wait over there while I burn my herbs, sir, I bet she cut her herbs up with a tang, a black-handled knife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 13:45
I bet she ground them with a mortar and pestle.
Micah (Knod Twister): 13:52
Yes, the morning was calm and beautiful, but suddenly a strong wind arose and made the hut tremble. Then the witch took the peasant into the yard and told him look up. He raised his eyes and saw the wicked magician with nothing but his nightshirt on, whirling round and round in the air.
Micah (Knod Twister): 14:13
There is your enemy, said the witch. He will hurt you no more. If you wish him to see your wedding, do as I will tell you. For the rest, he will suffer the same punishment as he had designed for you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:35
This is all very magical and weird.
Micah (Knod Twister): 14:38
Are they going to let?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:38
him down in three months, or is he going to have to do the full seven years? Or is he not coming down at all? I assume it's the seven years.
Micah (Knod Twister): 14:45
That's what the magician, or the warlock, was going to do to the peasant, which I think is odd that this poor guy doesn't get a name. This entire story, he's just the peasant, a peasant, which I think is odd. That this poor guy doesn't get a name, this entire story, he's just the peasant, a peasant. That peasant, let's call him that piece of crap. Peasant, let's call him Jeff Jeffrey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 15:06
I like Jeff. So what happens after seven years when the magician comes around? Then he comes and throws the peasant or throws Jeff back in the air. He's christened Jeffrey. We're not knighting people here.
Micah (Knod Twister): 15:19
No, christened at birth.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 15:23
We have thus christened the peasant Jeffrey, short for Jeff, also known as Jeff. The delighted peasant, jeff ran back home In a month's time. He was married. When the guests were dancing at his wedding, jeff went to the yard, looked up and saw above the hut the magician spinning round and round in the air. He oh, wow, here we go. He took a new knife and, aiming at the magician, threw it with all his might.
Micah (Knod Twister): 15:57
Nicely done, Jeff. Those Polish people like their knives and sausages.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:01
The knives are worse.
Micah (Knod Twister): 16:04
I would like to ask why it took him so long to marry her A whole month, I mean. She thought he was dead and he had been floating around the earth like a dry piece of wood for three or four months, and then he drags his feet for a month before he marries her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:20
And he had been floating around the earth like a dry piece of wood for three or four months and then he takes, he drags his feet for a month before he marries her.
Micah (Knod Twister): 16:25
Well, he had to rehydrate and get some fat rosy cheeks back. You're right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:28
I guess that would have taken some time. He had rented a tuxedo already, and now he didn't fit in it.
Micah (Knod Twister): 16:34
Oh yeah, he had to fill that out. Good point, good point, good point. The magic, the big bit, the big, big, big, big big, if my mouth will show up today. The magician fell down and then it was seen that he was nailed by the foot to the ground, good Lord. Thus he was obliged to stand by the window, a miserable witness of the happiness of the peasant Jeffrey and his friends Jeff and friends Jeff and friends.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 17:05
Sounds like a good sitcom, yeah.
Micah (Knod Twister): 17:08
Jeff and friends.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 17:09
Oh, we don't need to sing about it, we really don't.
Micah (Knod Twister): 17:12
Come and join us for another round. Here we go, Jeff and friends. They love to drink brandy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 17:20
Throw knives at wizards. On the following morning, the magician had disappeared from before the hut. See, this is concerning to me. Some people said they saw him flying through the air over a large lake some miles off. Seems oddly specific. Before and behind him were large flocks of crows which, by their crowing, told of his continued flight through space.
Micah (Knod Twister): 17:50
He's the first astronaut. That's one small step for man.
Micah (Knod Twister): 17:55
Russia really did get there first. This is Poland. Poland really did get there first. Who would have thought the Polish people would have ever accomplished anything?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 18:07
Mean Hurtful.
Micah (Knod Twister): 18:11
What do you mean? Well, they are Polish. Oh my gosh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 18:17
I guess they did invent the sausage. Polish people. I don't really know anything about a Polish heritage, but I'm sure there's plenty of famous Polish people.
Micah (Knod Twister): 18:25
Name one.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 18:28
Rasputin, apparently no, he's Russian. I'll have to think about it, but I'm sure there is Sorry Poland, my gosh who would have thought that. Polish people would ever accomplish anything. It's hurtful.
Micah (Knod Twister): 18:47
Apparently they're really good knife throwers yes, they do love their knives, all those people in the circus that you know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 18:53
They put the lady up against the board and they throw the knives at her. I bet those, those are all Polish.
Micah (Knod Twister): 18:57
Those are Polish people I bet yeah.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 19:01
Hmm, yeah.
Micah (Knod Twister): 19:02
That's a good point.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 19:03
Now, you know.
Micah (Knod Twister): 19:04
Yeah, so what did you think about the story? It was good, it was different, it was different.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 19:12
I think that's our first magician, magician. Have we had wizards?
Micah (Knod Twister): 19:14
We've had, you know I don't think we've had a wizard or a magician or a warlock. Lots of witches, so I thought that was pretty cool. Devils yeah.
Micah (Knod Twister): 19:23
Imps.
Micah (Knod Twister): 19:24
Mannequins A good magician Dragons, giants, trolls.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 19:28
I think they should have just called him a wizard, because every time I read magician, I'm just thinking of pick a card.
Micah (Knod Twister): 19:37
David Copperfield.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 19:38
Is this your card?
Micah (Knod Twister): 19:39
Eaten by a tiger? No, it wasn't, it was mauled. What?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 19:45
Oh wait You're thinking of Siegfried and Roy. Yes, they weren't even magicians Ding dong, they weren't. No, yes they, they were just tiger tamers.
Micah (Knod Twister): 19:54
No, they had a whole magic show. Branson Missouri.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 19:57
Siegfried and Roy. Yeah, no, you're thinking of Penn and Teller.
Micah (Knod Twister): 20:02
No.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 20:04
No, I'm really confused.
Micah (Knod Twister): 20:06
I'm looking it up.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 20:07
I don't think Siegfried and Roy were magicians.
Micah (Knod Twister): 20:10
Let's look it up.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 20:11
They were just tiger tamers. And then one of the tigers just got sick of it and was like you look tasty. Nom, nom, nom nom.
Micah (Knod Twister): 20:20
Then they were in Vegas. Yeah, it was Siegfried and Roy. Magician dies Killed him. Yeah, mauled by a tiger. They were a magician. The world lost one of the most majestic creatures and I have lost a brother, said Ron Horn, despite being hospitalized in critical condition in 2003 after the white tiger attacked him during a show. Las vegas performers c3 and roy said goodbye to the beloved white tiger. They killed it. Well, after it mauls someone, it has the taste of human flesh. Oh, that's baloney. And it will eat that's a myth insatiably until it dies of a gorge.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 20:59
That's just an excuse for stupid people to kill animals.
Micah (Knod Twister): 21:04
Well, we were both partially wrong and we were both partially right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 21:08
I didn't know. They were magicians. What did they make Tigers disappear? Maybe the tiger was tired of that crap. They were Germans.
Micah (Knod Twister): 21:19
Yeah, Siegfried do you think, and Roy, that's like Roy Rogers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 21:25
Yeah, roy, so they were.
Micah (Knod Twister): 21:27
German-American.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 21:28
Well, I'm sure he was delicious and we have gone far astray.
Micah (Knod Twister): 21:34
We have I would really, really beg upon my knees while floating in air Weird Kneel in air that you, the listener, would please tell your friends and family. If you even sort of kind of like our podcast, let them know about us, Because we're awesome. Well, that.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 21:58
And it's educational. You can learn about Siegfried and Louis. That's funny. Sometimes, Black Witch Knives I can't remember the name of A Tame, a Tains and Mortar and Pestles Nice.
Micah (Knod Twister): 22:13
And if you don't think that's enough, you can always go to our website at TalesOfBedlamcom. Click on the swag, get a t-shirt or two, share them with your friends and family and become a walking billboard for us.
Micah (Knod Twister): 22:27
Woohoo.
Micah (Knod Twister): 22:28
Good night.
Micah (Knod Twister): 22:30
Bye.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 22:35
Siegfried, I don't think they are magicians. I think you just made that up.
Micah (Knod Twister): 22:39
It says right here Looking at Google. That I can't see because it's in. I think you just made that up. It says right here Looking at.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 22:41
Google that I can't see because it's in front of you.
Micah (Knod Twister): 22:43
You're correct. Let me look, let's see here.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 22:49
I thought they were just lion tamers.
Micah (Knod Twister): 22:52
No, it says mauled magician. Mauled magician, yeah, and he died. Magicians and entertainers who became known for their appearance with white lions and white tigers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 23:04
Yeah, that was never a good idea.
Micah (Knod Twister): 23:07
His career ended October 3rd of 2003, when the tiger just tore his face off.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 23:16
I didn't know he died from that.
Micah (Knod Twister): 23:18
He was hospitalized in critical condition. Oh yeah, a tiger ate him.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 23:24
Wow, what a way to go. Well, he went out doing what he loved.
Micah (Knod Twister): 23:29
Could you imagine being at that show and seeing it happen?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 23:34
Man, that would be awesome. Well, that tiger didn't want to be cut in half anymore. He's like I'm sick of this. Tired of your crap, roy.
Micah (Knod Twister): 23:42
There's a theory here on Google that says that it was all staged so that Roy could.
Micah (Knod Twister): 23:49
Really so he could retire and an enemy, and an enemy and an anomaly and an anomaly, and that word stupid.
Micah (Knod Twister): 24:00
He could just go and live his life Like Elvis he's hanging out with Elvis, with his tiger.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 24:06
What weird. I don't think it was staged. They were magicians, though, apparently, so you don't know.
Micah (Knod Twister): 24:14
Anonymity there you go. Good job, good job you. That's not a knife. This time is a knife. Is he still alive, paul Hogan? No, he's dead Really. Oh my gosh, we have to stop recording.