Cheating Death: Godfather Death Physician's Tale
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost00:03
But death came to the physician, looking very black and angry, threatening him with his finger, and said you have betrayed me. This time, I will pardon it, as you are my godson, but if you venture it again, it will cost you your neck. Ooh, what, that was creepy.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost00:25
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam. You thought October was over. Today's tale is Godfather Death, but first we have a little bit of shop to keep.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost00:38
We have to keep shop.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost00:39
Oh well, isn't that like a turn of phrase for, hey, here's some announcements, and we need to make some money.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost00:46
Yeah, we do.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost00:50
Thank you for all the reviews that we got.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost00:55
Yeah, it's wonderful; we appreciate it.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost00:57
We love you.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost00:57
Thank you, yeah.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost01:01
Gosh, I can't say.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost01:05
We got reviews.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost01:07
Yeah, whatever, yeah, whatever. Anyway, we said thank you, thank you, and thank you for all the reviews that you gave us. We loved the reviews.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost01:17
Thank you so much. Yes, where do you shop on Amazon?
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost01:22
that's where I shop too. I know that's a quinky dink.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost01:27
No, it's not. Everybody shops on Amazon.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost01:30
Maybe not everyone. My grandma doesn't.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost01:33
She should.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost01:33
But she gets all her bikinis from JCPenney's.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost01:40
What.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost01:42
If you shop on Amazon, though, for bikinis or whatever.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost01:47
What is your deal with bikinis, man?
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost01:50
Do your shopping on Amazon and if you do, go to our website at TalesOfBedlamcom, first, click on one of our Amazon ads and then go ahead and continue to shop for whatever you want, be it bikinis or maybe some warm clothes, anything that you want to buy on Amazon. Go to our website first, click on the ads and we'll get a little kickback from that so that we can buy new equipment.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost02:18
Micah needs a bikini, apparently no.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost02:21
I would look terrible in one.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost02:23
You guys give us enough kickbacks. I'm buying Mike a bikini and I'll post it on the website Him wearing it.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost02:33
I guess I'd do that. I promise If we got like thousands of dollars.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost02:37
Okay, that's coming back, that is recorded and out on. It is not going away.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost02:44
So let's jump in today's episode godfather death. A poor man had 12 children and was forced to work night and day to give them even bread terrible.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost02:58
I don't like the way this one's starting already.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost03:00
Well, at least we finally got a good parent yeah, and at least he was able to give them even bread, not uneven bread, which is terribly untasteful Wow. When, therefore, the 13th came into the world, dude, stop it. Cover that thing up, man Get a kilt. Cover that thing up, man, get a kilt.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost03:35
He knew not what to do in his trouble, but ran out into the great highway and resolved to ask the first person whom he met to be Godfather, which is a solid plan.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost03:39
I would suggest that to everyone who is having a child.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost03:40
Dude, this is like the second or third time we've had this obsession with making sure it had a godfather. That's the first thing to have the kid. Well, that was the hedgehog one. Well, who will be his godfather? Well, that's the first concern I'd have, and I don't think he had one, did he no With? My 13th kid and I can't feed the first 12,. The first thing I would think was who is going to be the godfather?
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost04:06
Well, it was insurance back then, because you didn't have very good odds of living very long and so if you died before your children had grown to take care of themselves, you had a godfather, which usually was a relative back then.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost04:21
Yeah, I know what a godfather is.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost04:23
But still it's like insurance for your kids.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost04:25
You come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost04:28
Wrong kind of godfather, but cool nonetheless. The first to meet him was. Was who Let me try that again. The first to meet him was the good god. The first to meet him was the good God, good God, good God, who already knew what filled his heart and said to him Poor man, I pity you. I will hold your child at its christening and will take charge of it and make it happy on earth. The man said who are you? I'm God.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost05:08
Then I do not desire to have you for a godfather, said the man you give to the rich and leave the poor to hunger.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost05:17
What it's in the name, god Father.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost05:23
Hmm, poor choice name, god father, hmm poor choice and the first thing he ran into the road to find a godfather for his son and the first person he runs into is god and he says no not good enough yeah thus spoke the man, for he did not know how wisely god apportions riches in poverty. Oh, my goodness. He turned therefore away from the Lord and went further. Then the devil came to him and said what do you seek?
Mr. Death HadesHost05:56
If you will take me as a godfather for your child, I will give him gold in plenty and all the joys of the world as well.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost06:08
The man asked who are you?
Mr. Death HadesHost06:12
I am the devil.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost06:16
Then I do not desire to have you for a godfather, said the man. You deceive men and lead them astray. He's awfully picky for someone who doesn't have. Oh, whatever, he went onwards and then came death. Death striding up to him with withered legs and said he's obviously the best choice obviously, obviously.
Mr. Death HadesHost06:45
Take me as Godfather.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost06:47
What kind of road was this guy walking down that he runs into? God, devil and death?
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost06:52
Maybe he's not on Earth anymore. He's actually in purgatory, yeah.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost06:57
He's eaten the mushrooms.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost06:58
He died a long time ago from an overdose. What?
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost07:02
the heck. I lost withered legs. The man asked who are heck? I lost my withered legs. The man asked who are you? I am death. You finally get to say it.
Mr. Death HadesHost07:12
And I make all equal.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost07:15
Then the man said you are the right one. You take the rich as well as the poor without distinction. You shall be the godfather, Of course.
Mr. Death HadesHost07:34
Do we have to finish this story? This is dumb death.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost07:36
Answered, I will make your child rich and famous for he who has me for a friend can lack nothing, but maybe life Bizarre.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost07:44
Well, if death doesn't come for him, right? If he's his friend, I don't know.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost07:49
I love the. This is the candid answer. Go ahead, dustin.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost07:53
The man said next Sunday is the christening. Be there at the right time, don't be late death or you won't get to be the godfather.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost08:03
Don't forget.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost08:05
Set your alarm.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost08:06
At 3.31.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost08:10
This guy. I think he's working too much, he's just hilarious.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost08:17
Death appeared, as he had promised, and stood Godfather, quite in the usual way. He didn't do it awkwardly, I guess.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost08:27
He stood up and said this day, the day of my daughter's wedding.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost08:34
He's not that old yet. No, when the boy had grown up, his Godfather one day appeared and bade him go with him. He led him forth into a forest and showed him an herb which grew there and said Now, this herb here, you smoke this.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost08:54
It's not that kind of herb. Oh my gosh. It's probably what it is, though, now that I think about it.
Mr. Death HadesHost09:01
Now you shall receive your godfather's present. I make you a celebrated physician. When you are called to a patient, I will always appear to you. If I stand by the head of the sick man, you may say with confidence that you will make him well again, and if you give him one of this herb he will recover. But if I stay by the patient's feet, he is mine and you must say that all remedies are in vain and that no physician in the world could save him.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost09:37
But beware of using the herb against my will or it might fare ill with you I feel uh, uh I feel like a break a sponsor break coming on and I've I just feel that something ill is gonna happen.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost09:56
We need something cheerful. We do something, something not so deathy.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost10:03
Oh, this is a good one. Oh, this is my favorite one. Is this the swag one Swag?
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost10:10
We love swag. How would you like to own your very own Tales of Bethlehem? Swag, I mean. Who wouldn't?
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost10:18
We have great news. The great overlords of Brickle Britt Inc. Have decided to make our swag available to everyone.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost10:27
You can get t-shirts, coffee mugs, tote bags, hoodies, stickers, even adorable little onesies in a wide variety of sizes and colors right from our website.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost10:38
Well, unfortunately you can't get adult-sized onesies.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost10:42
Anyway.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost10:43
Tales of Bedlam. Swag is great for any occasion and is a great way to show your support and help us spread the word of our earth-changing podcast to everyone. You know Mom will love our hoodies to snuggle up with while she listens to her favorite podcast.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost10:59
In her bikini.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost11:00
What.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost11:02
Dad can enjoy his morning commute listening to his favorite podcast, tales of Bedlam, with a hot cup of coffee. In his Tales of Bedlam, travel mug.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost11:14
In a bikini that didn't fit there. Nice Junior and Juniorette will be the talk of their schools with their favorite colored Tales of Bedlam t-shirt, get my son one.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost11:28
How can they get all this wonderful swag, you might ask? Just go to our website, talesofbedlamcom and click on the big swag button at the top. It's just that easy. Oh, you'll have to provide a credit card or debit card.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost11:44
Right? Well, you have to pay for it. Nothing to it, Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost11:51
For more information, you can also email us at talesofbedlam Sorry, sorry. For more information, you can also email us at talesofbedlam at gmailcom. Tweet us at Tales of Bedlam or give us a call at 417-501-4681. That's 417-501-4681. And just leave us a voice message on the size of onesie that you want.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost12:26
Yeah, you still have to go to the website and order it, but we'll answer any questions. That's right, that's a question when were we? Death said? Here's the herb that saves everybody's life, but only if I'm standing at their head, and if I'm at their feet they're dead, and this will make you a famous doctor right Over where.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost12:46
Yes, At the head he's going to recover. At the feet, he's mine. Okay so what was the herb for? I think it's just so that he's a physician and not a miracle worker, so he's giving him something. Yeah, because if he just was like he's going to live and does nothing, then he's not really a physician.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost13:07
He's a magician. He's just like a fortune teller.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost13:10
I got it, yeah, yeah.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost13:12
I'd have been fine with the fortune telling thing, but that's fine Whatever.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost13:24
It was not long before the youth was the most famous physician in the whole world because he could cure anybody with one herb, if they can be cured.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost13:32
If they can be cured, he only had to look at the patient and knew his condition at once, whether he would recover or must need to die. Because that's every condition in the world, right? You're either going to die or recover. No, that's not right. What if they had toe fungus? They're not going to die from it.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost13:51
They might lose a toe.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost13:52
Yeah, but they're not going to die. So he was only the most famous physician in the world for people who were dying. Okay, okay, we've gone astray. That just didn't make sense to me. But they never do. I wonder what the end of this one is. And then he dug a hole in the ground and a gopher came out and a rabbit ran by and said I'm late. I'm late and ran down a hole.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost14:17
No, that's Alice in Wonderland.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost14:19
Well, I just, you never know, what's coming at the end.
14:23
Anyway, recover or mutts needs die. So they said of him. And from far and wide people came to him, sent for him when they had anyone ill and gave him so much money that he soon became a rich man, nicely done. Now it so befell that the king became ill. Oh, the king, mm-hmm. And the physician was summoned and was to say if recovery were possible. But when he came to the bed, death was standing by the feet of the sick man and the herb did not grow which could save him. So the herb only grew if he was standing by the feet of the sick man and the herb did not grow which could save him. So the herb only grew if he was standing by his head. He just didn't carry the herb around.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost15:08
I just think that that means that there isn't anything that can save him if death is standing by the sick man's feet.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost15:18
Being too literal, mm-hmm by the sick man's feet, being too literal, if I could but cheat death for once, thought the physician he is sure to take it ill if I do, but as I am his godson, he will shut one eye.
15:32
I will risk it. He therefore took up the sick man and laid him the other way. Well, that was nice. He thought that through, so that death was now standing by his head. Then he gave the king some of the herb and he recovered and grew healthy again. But death came to the physician, looking very black and angry, threatening him with his finger, and said you have betrayed me.
Mr. Death HadesHost15:59
This time I will pardon it, as you are my godson, but if you venture it again, it will cost you your neck, for I will take you yourself away with me.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost16:15
Wow, it seemed an awfully convenient loophole that all you had to do was turn the guy around to bed.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost16:24
Death's not going to stand for it. Why?
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost16:26
didn't Death just walk to the other side of the bed?
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost16:30
Death's not going to lay down and take it All right. Soon afterwards the king's daughter fell into a severe illness. King's daughter I bet she's beautiful. She was his only child and he wept day and night so that he began to lose the sight of his eyes, and he caused it to be made known that whosoever rescued her from death should be her husband and inherit the crown Nice. When the physician came to the sick girl's bed, he saw death by her feet Ruh-roh, oh crap. He ought have remembered the warning given by his godfather.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost17:12
He ought have remembered that.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost17:13
But he was so infatuated by the great beauty of the king's daughter Told you she was pretty. You called that and happiness of becoming her husband that he flung all thought to the winds.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost17:28
Oh, hormones Every time.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost17:31
He did not see that death was casting angry glances at him, casting them.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost17:37
Angry, angry.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost17:38
He was giving him the sting guy that he was raising his hand in the air and threatening him with his withered fist he just didn't notice that death was waving his hands, don't?
Mr. Death HadesHost17:52
do it, don't do it.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost17:54
No, no, no, no did him not very bright this one. No, he raised up the sick girl and placed her head where her feet had lain. Then he gave her some of the herb and instantly her cheeks flushed red and life stirred afresh in her. When death saw that for a second time his own property had been misused, he walked up to the physician with long strides and said All is over with you, and now the luck falls on you that's very ominous and seized him so firmly with his ice-cold hand that he could not resist, and led him into a cave below the earth Uh-oh, that can't end well.
18:41
Dragged into a cave below the earth by death Uh-uh, he should have watched the Godfather in the movies. He didn't know how this was going to end. There. He saw how thousands and thousands of candles were burning in countless rows, some large, some medium-sized and others small. Every instant, some were extinguished and others again burnt up, so that the flames seemed to leave hither and thither in perpetual change. That was some great literary devices going on there. I liked it, c said death.
Mr. Death HadesHost19:17
These are the lights of men's lives. The large ones belong to children, the medium ones to married people in their prime. Or unmarried, maybe the little ones belong to old people, but children and young folks likewise have often only a tiny candle, Wait a minute.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost19:39
So he said the large ones belong to children. And then he said children and young folks have a tiny candle, all right, whatever. Well, maybe because they're not going to have a very long life, Dustin. So some of the children's are small.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost19:56
Some of them might have.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost19:58
Oh, I understand, but it just seemed confusing that he said children were big and then some children were small. Show me the light of my life, said the physician, and he thought that it would be very tall Death pointed to a little end which was just threatening to go out and said Behold, it is there oh, dear godfather, said the horrified physician. Light a new one for me.
20:27
Do it for love of me that I may enjoy my life, be king and the husband of the king's beautiful daughter I cannot answer death one must go out before new ones lighted this is some very complicated stuff going on here then place the old one on a new one that will go on burning at once. When the old one has come to an end, pleaded the physician death, behaved as if he were going to fulfill his wish and took hold of a tall new candle. But as he desired to revenge himself, he purposely made the mistake in fixing it and the little piece fell down and was extinguished Jerk. Immediately the physician fell on the ground and now he himself was in the hands of death. Dead, he's dead. He screwed over death and got his just reward.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost21:27
I applaud death because he warned him twice, two times, and he looked right at him and still did it, with death, death's withered hand shaking at him.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost21:42
Don't you do it. He got angry eyes and was shaking finger Don't do it. And he did it anyway. Yes, all because of hormones.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost21:50
He could have had any girl he wanted. He was rich anyway, right, he didn't need to have the king's daughter. There's kings with daughters wandering around the forest all over the place, all the time, and hedgehogs get them. Why not him? He's a rich, young, sexy physician. Was that in there?
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost22:12
No, I just added that I don't know.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost22:15
He was probably pretty smelly, I was guessing that he was probably pretty smoking hot I don't know where that came from well, if all the princesses are always the most beautiful in the land, why not the guy too? He's not a prince, he's uh, death's godson he's probably just hideous and withered, I don't know I bet you that if they made a movie of this story, he would be smoking hot.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost22:49
You think brad pitt would be in it no, he's too old.
Micah AKA Knob TwisterHost22:52
No, brad's getting old we're getting old he gotta be someone new and young what the heck I'm smoking hot uh uh fine, I'll not wear my bikini next time yes, please put more clothes on when we podcast next time yeah, you don't have to look that is all for us today. Please do your shopping on Amazon, but first go to our website at talesofbedlamcom. Click on one of the ads so that we get a little kickback and we can make this podcast even better.
Dustin AKA Sofa SitterHost23:31
I don't know how it could get better, but we'll definitely make it better. Goodnight, bye goodnight.