The Bad Wife Transcript
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:04
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam. I'm a host.
Micah (Knob Twister): 0:12
Sofusela, and I'm a host NobTwister.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:17
Today we will read tales of Slavic folklore. Folklore Folklore. And folklore as well. I like Floaklore. This encompasses the folklore of the Slavic peoples found in Russia, ukraine, poland, bulgaria, serbia, dot dot dot.
Micah (Knob Twister): 0:33
all those places Today's tale is the bad wife, bad wife, bad, bad wife Sit, wait, what Bad could be good.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:44
Oh my gosh. Good could be good. Oh my gosh be bad. Do I need to read this? Is this gonna be a nasty story?
Micah (Knob Twister): 0:50
no, not at all is this pg-13?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:52
it is not. It is not pg-13 nope it's higher than pg-13. He's twisting knobs. Nobody knows what he's doing. It's g, it, g.
Micah (Knob Twister): 1:02
It's G. Oh yes, boo, maybe PG, maybe PG.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 1:08
Boo, because it gets a little violent.
Micah (Knob Twister): 1:09
Ah Some violence. Oh my goodness, I don't want to give anything away. This is so good, I'm going to start this one, so start. This is called the Bad Wife. You get a lot of reading in this one. Actually Bad wife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 1:24
There once was a bad wife. This is the best opening to a fairy tale we've done yet. Folklore. There once was a bad wife who made life impossible for her husband and disobeyed him in everything. Bad wife If he told her to rise early, she slept for three days. That's awesome. If he told her to sleep, she did not sleep at all. This is okay, that's easy to get around. If your husband, if her husband, asked her to make pancakes, she said you don't deserve pancakes. Hey, that's blue. Oh my, I was getting into it.
Micah (Knob Twister): 2:02
That's my only line, your only line.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:05
Apologies.
Micah (Knob Twister): 2:07
You don't deserve pancakes, you scoundrel.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:10
I liked mine better. Wow, you want to just read the whole thing? I would love to. If her husband said don't make pancakes, wife, since I don't deserve them, she made an enormous pan full two gallons of pancakes.
Micah (Knob Twister): 2:28
whoa, that's a lot of pancakes, holy smokers, liquid pancakes so you put that in perspective.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:35
I will when I make pancakes for like breakfast.
Micah (Knob Twister): 2:38
For dinner like the batter was two gallons that's what I'm thinking.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:44
How do you make two gallons of something?
Micah (Knob Twister): 2:46
solid. That would be like hundreds of pancakes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:51
One cup of pancake mix and like one and a third cups of water, so it's like two cups roughly makes 12 pancakes.
Micah (Knob Twister): 2:59
Okay, it depends, on size, but yeah, yeah.
Micah (Knob Twister): 3:03
Hmm, two gallons. You know how much syrup they're going to need.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 3:09
Do they have syrup in Russia?
Micah (Knob Twister): 3:11
Do they have maple trees?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 3:13
Of course they don't. It's tundra, dude. There's no trees, it's reindeer and grass.
Micah (Knob Twister): 3:20
Hmm.
Micah (Knob Twister): 3:22
Well, what do they put on their pancakes? They got to have something on it Grass, they make it sweet Reindeer poop Snod grass, I don't know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 3:34
Where were we? Two gallons of pancakes, that's a lot of pancakes.
Micah (Knob Twister): 3:37
That sounds good to me and said Well, you said, you did it better.
Micah (Knob Twister): 3:41
so Now eat you scoundrel and be sure that all of them are eaten.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 3:49
We need to go back to the other story where people were getting slapped. If he said, wife, do not wash the clothes nor go out and cut the hay. It is too much for you. She answered.
Micah (Knob Twister): 4:04
No, you scoundrel, I'll go and you shall come with me. That's not how that works. She answered.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 4:09
That's not how that works.
Micah (Knob Twister): 4:11
She really is bad, she's just doing the opposite.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 4:14
I don't know that she's so bad.
Micah (Knob Twister): 4:16
She just wants to do the opposite.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 4:18
Yeah, but the opposite of don't go wash the clothes or cut the hay is no, I will and you stay here, not come with me.
Micah (Knob Twister): 4:27
No, but he said because it's too much for you. So I guess you're right. It's not really the opposite, but she wants to be obstinate. She's just being nasty Because he said it's too much for you. She's like well, I'll show you Bad wife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 4:44
Closing for you. She's like well, I'll show you Bad wife Closing for you. One day, after a quarrel with her, he went in distress to the woods to pick berries, found a currant bush there's your syrup and saw a bottomless pit in the middle of it. And he jumped in it and lived happily, no better. So he, uh, saw a bottomless pit in the middle of it. As he looked at it, he thought to himself why go long living with such a bad life and struggling with her thoughts of suicide? Yeah well, that's what I would have done. It's the first thought I had when I saw bottomless pit and the first five sentences of this. I was like I'm in it, jumping in we, we don't, we don't recommend that way no, we don't, no, we don't.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 5:43
Yeah, nah, could I not put her in? He's not thinking of suicide, holy crap.
Micah (Knob Twister): 5:49
I know, could I not put her in that bed and teach her a?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 5:52
lesson.
Micah (Knob Twister): 5:52
That's right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 5:56
He's going to chuck her in it. He went back home and said wife, really, Do not go in the wood for berries. I should go. Go, you fool. I found a current bush don't pick it.
Micah (Knob Twister): 6:11
I should go and pick it clean and, what is more, I won't give you any currents no currents for you, that's right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:19
The husband went out and his wife followed him. What the heck he came to the current bush, and his wife jumped towards it and yelled don't go into that, bush, you scoundrel, or I'll kill you man, I and she is bad wife. You're reading the part. Now I want to hit you. She herself went in the middle of it and fell plop into the bottomless pit. He didn't even have to push her, she just fell in it.
Micah (Knob Twister): 6:47
If she went plop, then it's not truly a bottomless pit. Is this a spoiler alert? No, I'm just saying a bottomless pit has no bottom. She fell, so it would never go plop.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 7:02
Well, well, that was the sound of her falling no, that's this is russian. It's a translation error. She fell into the bottomless pit. It had no bottom. Are you still whistling?
Micah (Knob Twister): 7:26
It's bottomless.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 7:28
It never ends. The husband went home happily.
Micah (Knob Twister): 7:32
Woo-hoo.
Micah (Knob Twister): 7:33
Yeah, he was like I'm going to go hog the remote.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 7:37
I'm out and eat all the pancakes I want I'm watching car shows and lived in peace for three days. Well, at least he got something. On the fourth day he went to see how his wife was getting in the bottomless pit I love how she was getting along.
Micah (Knob Twister): 7:59
How was she getting along? How are you doing down there? Probably not too well. It's been four days. She hasn't had any food or water. He couldn't hear her.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 8:09
She's still falling you know how she's hit terminal velocity, she's dead, she's dead. You can only fall so far until you hit, whatever the acceleration due to gravity is. But four days has passed that threshold. Does she answer? Um, he went to see how she was getting along. He took a long tow rope, like 85 000 miles long, let it down into the pit and dragged out a little imp.
Micah (Knob Twister): 8:46
Oh, a demon.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 8:47
He went fishing and caught an imp. He was frightened and was about to drop him back in the pit when the imp began to shriek and then said imploringly Please, please, don't put me back.
Micah (Knob Twister): 9:01
Let me out into the world. A bad wife has come into our pit.
Micah (Knob Twister): 9:07
She torments, bites and pinches all of us. We are sick to death of her. If you let me out, I will do you a good turn, no.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 9:22
Are you kidding me? This lady is so bad she's. The devils want to get rid of her. Tormenting the devils on the way through her bottomless pit and they're like get me out.
Micah (Knob Twister): 9:37
That's a good one.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 9:39
So the peasant, let him go free in holy.
Micah (Knob Twister): 9:43
Russia In holy Russia.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 9:45
In the holy motherland.
Micah (Knob Twister): 9:48
The imp said well, peasant, let us go to the town of Volgogold. Bless you, I will make people sick and you shall cure them Useful. Here comes the exorcisms. I think he just made me sick.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 10:10
alright, I'm good now. Now the imp set to work on merchants, wives and daughters, what he would enter into them, and they would go mad and fall ill. Exorcism Come on.
Micah (Knob Twister): 10:23
I'm telling you exorcism.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 10:25
Our peasant would go into the house of the sick woman. The imp would leave, A blessing would come in the house and everyone thought the peasant was a doctor, gave him money and fed him pies.
Micah (Knob Twister): 10:37
Nice Pies. His life got so much better, so much better. The peasant thus amassed an uncountable sum of money, just like a bottomless pint. His money was uncount.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 10:53
Yeah, sounds like a religion to me.
Micah (Knob Twister): 10:55
Then the imp said to him you now have plenty, peasant, are you satisfied? Next I shall enter a boyer's daughter and mind you, do not come to cure her, else I shall eat you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 11:11
Do I get to know what a boyer is?
Micah (Knob Twister): 11:13
No, I didn't look it up, oh well.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 11:16
I can look it up real quick. I'm guessing it's a noble person.
Micah (Knob Twister): 11:21
It's a member of the aristocracy in Russia next to rank to a prince. So a boyer is a member of the hierarchy in Russia and would be next in line in rank to a prince or next in rank to a prince.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 11:44
I guess you're right. That's what I said. Nobility Eat you. The boyer sent for the peasant, the famous, uh and I quote doctor. He came to the boyer's beautiful house and told him to have all the townspeople and all the carriages and coachmen gather in the street in front of the house. He gave them orders that all the coachmen should crack their whips and cry aloud the the bad wife has come. The bad wife has come.
Micah (Knob Twister): 12:21
Then he went into the sick maiden's room. When he came in, the imp was enraged at him and said why have you come here? Russian man, I will eat you now.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 12:33
Weird. He said. What do you mean? I have not come to drive you out, but to warn you that the bad wife is here. Eat you now. Weird. He said. What do you mean? I have not come to drive you out, but to warn you that the bad wife is here. The ant jumped on the window sill stared fixedly and listened intently. He heard the crowd in the street cry in one voice the bad wife is come.
Micah (Knob Twister): 12:54
Peasant said the imp. Where shall I hide?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 12:59
This is stupid. Return to the pit. She won't go there again. The imp went there and joined the bad wife. Whoops. The boyer rewarded the peasant by giving him half of his possessions and his daughter in marriage. I'm sure there was no consent there, but the bad wife to this day sits in the pit in the darkness with the imp. Oh, that was the end.
Micah (Knob Twister): 13:33
The end he never wouldn't got his wife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 13:36
Nicely done, sir. He got gotten his wife Nicely done, sir.
Micah (Knob Twister): 13:38
He got a new wife.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 13:39
Nicely done. Hopefully she's a good wife. What a terrible, hilarious story. He kicked her into hell and the demons ran out. They're like no, I can't I can't, I can't with this lady, I can't.
Micah (Knob Twister): 13:57
At Tales of Bethlehem. We're grateful for you, the listener. Let us know how we're doing, leave a comment on our website, at talesofbedlamcom, and, while you're there, subscribe to our newsletter.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:08
Oh, it's a hilarious newsletter.
Micah (Knob Twister): 14:10
And if you think that this was just so amazing that you got to do something more, if you think that this was just so amazing that you got to do something more, go to our website, click on the swag button up top left Sorry, up top right and support our podcasting habit while becoming a walking billboard for us. Woohoo, share with your friends and family. I'm sorry I interrupted you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:32
That's normal, I'm going to kick you into a current hole, or slap me, slap you. That's normal. I'm going to kick you into a current hole, or slap me, slap you.
Micah (Knob Twister): 14:40
They're cool shirts. I like them a lot. Dustin wears them all the time. I do Sorry. Sofa Sitter wears them all the time while he's sitting on a sofa. Wait a minute.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:52
Who's Dustin? They're phasma Phantasmagorical.
Micah (Knob Twister): 14:58
Yes, good night, bye, that was so. An exorcism was a demon entering little girls bodies and then, when he'd come in they, he would leave and there would be blessing on the home uh, what was the, what was the russian religion at this time?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 15:35
That and Christianity hadn't got there yet?
Micah (Knob Twister): 15:38
That's probably why he was called Doctor, not like a priest.
Micah (Knob Twister): 15:41
It wasn't Catholicism, vicar.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 15:43
Huh, yeah, oh, it's Russian, but they still believed in demons. It's Orthodoxy now, which is just Catholicism.
Micah (Knob Twister): 15:50
They still believed in demons, though at that point.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 15:52
Well, imps, devils, yeah Things, Tricksters, demons though at that point, Well, imps, devils, yeah Things, Tricksters, yeah Fairies. Sounds like a fairly normal religion to me. What Trick people take their money?
Micah (Knob Twister): 16:05
Oh, oh groan. Oh boy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:11
And that is the subject for a whole different podcast.
Micah (Knob Twister): 16:17
You can find those podcasts on Stitcher and Apple podcast app Good night again.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:27
Oh, bye, bye, it's Phantasmagorical.