The Young Slave Transcript
Micah (Knob Twister): 0:05
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam. I'm your host, knob Twister, howdy ho, and that's my Sidekick, sidekick, sofa sitter. And we have a fourth tale for you today. This is the third Third tale for you today. This is the third Third tale for you today For our spook-tacular Halloween extravaganza.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:35
Math is hard.
Micah (Knob Twister): 0:37
Dustin, what do we have?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 0:39
today. Today we have a tale that was collected by Gian Battista Bessile, who was an Italian poet, a courtier. Why that information is important, we don't know, and he collected fairy tales including the oldest recorded forms of many well-known European tales.
Micah (Knob Twister): 1:11
He was like the Brothers Grimm of one he was a brother, he did. He recorded some of the earliest versions of Cinderella and Rapunzel.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 1:15
That's where we've heard of him. I know I've seen the name, guillaume Batista.
Micah (Knob Twister): 1:20
Today's tale is the Young Slave.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 1:26
We don't like slavery. It's bad. There was once a baron of really Selvaskura. There once was a baron of Selvaskura who had an unmarried sister, oh lovely. The sister used to go and play in a garden with other girls her own age Interesting detail. One day they found a lovely rose in full bloom, so they made a compact that whoever jumped clear over it without touching a single leaf should win something.
Micah (Knob Twister): 2:00
Sounds like fun. Like win a candy bar.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:05
Or maybe they'll pin a rose on her nose. There you go. I don't think jumping over rose bushes is a good idea, but whatever. Whatever keeps them occupied, at least they're not slitting each other's throats like the last time you didn't have smartphones and Netflix.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 2:24
Each other's throats like the last one. You didn't have smartphones in Netflix. You could leap over a bush that isn't going to maim you if you don't make it Good point. But although many of the girls jumped leapfrog over it, they all hit it and not one of them jumped clean over. So they're all running around bloody legs. But when the turn came to Lisa, the baron's sister we usually don't get names she stood back a little and took such a run at it that she jumped right over it to the other side of the rose. Nice, okie doke. Nevertheless, one leaf fell, boo, but she was so quick and ready that she picked it up from the ground without anyone noticing and swallowed it Pockets, thereby winning the prize she was.
Micah (Knob Twister): 3:14
Jordan's ancestor.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 3:20
She leapt the rosebush and then ate the leaf.
Micah (Knob Twister): 3:21
What was the prize? They never tell us, useless. Now, less than three days later, she gets a prize. Lisa felt herself to be pregnant that was her prize and nearly died of grief, oh my gosh, for she knew that she had done nothing compromising or dishonest and could not understand how it was possible for her belly to have swollen. She ran at once to some fairies who were her friends.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 4:00
Who doesn't have just fairy friends?
Micah (Knob Twister): 4:01
laying around, and when they heard her story, they told her not to worry, for the cause of it all was the rose leaf she had swallowed, so don't worry about it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 4:11
Nah, never you mind, it's fine, take some eucalyptus, some camphor You'll be alright, spray some Windex on it, it'll be fine, jeez.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 4:24
So we got more immaculate conceptions. This time it's a rose leaf. When Lisa understood this, she took precautions to conceal her condition as much as possible, so she wore big bogey clothes or embarrassed. Well, of course she was she. She was a pregnant woman Then, was unmarried, and when the hour of her deliverance came that was a lovely sentence. She gave birth in hiding to a lovely little girl whom she named Lisa. Let's not name everybody.
Micah (Knob Twister): 5:01
The same name. That causes me. Maybe that's a typo. See, it says Lisa up there, but then it says Lila, lila. So maybe her name was Lila and she named her child Lisa.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 5:12
Typos, typos. You know what this may be. Why we don't have names in these stories? Because it's really inconsequential. We just name her the bastard, because that's what she is. She's a kid without a dad. It's the definition of the word man. She sent her to the fairies and they each gave her some charm this sounds familiar and the last one slipped and twisted her foot so badly as she was running to see the child that in her acute pain she hurled a curse at her what whoops? To the effect that when she was seven years old, her mother, whilst combing out her hair, would leave the comb in her tresses stuck into the head, and from this the child would perish that's a very specific curse.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:02
It was just on the tip of her tongue when she tripped.
Micah (Knob Twister): 6:06
Oh dang it. I know that when I trip I say Darn.
Micah (Knob Twister): 6:11
When your seven-year-old mother will come and start her hair and she will die because the home will stick in the tresses and stuck to her head from, the child would perish.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:20
It was very Whoops. Oh, I'm so sorry. I accidentally cursed you with this very specific hair combing curse, but you know I tripped and it hurt.
Micah (Knob Twister): 6:32
You know in previous tales all the combs would be taken from the kingdom.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:38
Right.
Micah (Knob Twister): 6:39
Just like all the spindles.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 6:41
Yeah, they take all the sleeping beauty. Then your mom's going to comb your hair and ouch, oh boy, that hurt. End of seven years. The disaster occurred Really Nothing in between.
Micah (Knob Twister): 6:59
Seven years.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 7:01
And the despairing mother lamenting, bitterly, encased the body in seven caskets of crystal, cut her up into pieces.
Micah (Knob Twister): 7:09
Seven caskets of crystal. No, I think they're a casket within a casket. Oh, like one of those little nesting dolls, weird Italian tale I was going to be like oh, you're so on to it. Dustin, this is a Russian.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 7:24
No, it's not, it's an italian tale I think she cut her up into seven pieces anyway, since it's halloween, you know. Oh, it says right after one within the other. So my theory is in the toilet and placed her in a distant room of the palace keeping the key in her pocket. You know that exponential thing.
Micah (Knob Twister): 7:48
That's a huge casket, yeah, yeah.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 7:51
Seven times. It's like the size of a room and she locked it and kept the key in her pocket. This is weird.
Micah (Knob Twister): 7:59
However, after some time, her grief brought her to her grave. Uh-oh, when she felt the end to be near, she called her brother and said to him my brother.
Micah (Knob Twister): 8:10
I feel death's hook dragging me away inch by inch.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 8:14
Dang death.
Micah (Knob Twister): 8:15
I leave you all my belongings for you to have and dispose of as you like, but you must promise me never to open the last room in this house and always keep the key safely in the casket.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 8:33
Well, the first thing he's going to do is go open the dang door.
Micah (Knob Twister): 8:36
Why would you hide the key in the casket that it opens?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 8:41
I don't know.
Micah (Knob Twister): 8:42
I don't know what's going on the brother, who loved her above all things, gave his word and at the same moment she breathed.
Micah (Knob Twister): 8:51
Adieu, for the beans are ripe. What?
Micah (Knob Twister): 8:56
I don't know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 8:58
She said Adieu, for the beans are ripe.
Micah (Knob Twister): 9:01
I don't know. The first thing that came to my mind was Wow. But whatever.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 9:09
Wow, must be an Italian thing. Who knows, the beans are ripe. I need to write that down. Make a good t-shirt At the end of some years. It'd make people ask man, at the end of some years, this lord, who in the meantime had taken a wife, was invited to a hunting party. This is there's big gaps in this story. He recommended the care of the house to his wife and begged her above, not above all, not to open the room, the key of which he kept in the casket.
Micah (Knob Twister): 9:47
Dirt. If you didn't want your wife to get into your safe with the dead girl in it, why would you point out before you left Right, don't I mean don't stay completely away from the key that is on top of the safe in that room over there. Do not open it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 10:10
Right.
Micah (Knob Twister): 10:11
I would still open it as soon as he left. I want to open it. Yeah, still open it as soon as he left. I want to open it. Yeah, I'm not even there.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 10:22
However, as soon as he had turned his back. Why wouldn't you just tell her what was in it?
Micah (Knob Twister): 10:25
she began to feel suspicious. Well, actually, he doesn't know what's in it oh, he doesn't know what's in it because his sister left it to him.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 10:39
So for the seven years before the kid died.
Micah (Knob Twister): 10:41
He didn't know she had a daughter. No, he knew that, but he just doesn't know what's in that room.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 10:44
He doesn't know what's in a casket.
Micah (Knob Twister): 10:47
No.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 10:47
Oh he hasn't been in the room. This is all very confusing to me. Yeah, it was a key in a casket.
Micah (Knob Twister): 10:56
I think you have to go into the room to get the key to open the casket.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 11:00
She told him when she was dying it's a key for a casket. What else do you keep?
Micah (Knob Twister): 11:05
in a casket. Yeah, you could keep cigars in a casket.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 11:10
If you're weird and morbid, yeah, or a vampire, well, there's seven caskets anyway, so who knows?
Micah (Knob Twister): 11:19
So she began to feel suspicious, and held by jealousy, and consumed by curiosity, which is a woman's first attribute, oh ouch, took the key and went to open the room.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 11:35
Curiosity and jealousy Dang women Jeez.
Micah (Knob Twister): 11:41
There she saw the young girl clearly visible through the seven layers of crystal. So it was a see-through casket. So she opened them one by one and found that she seemed to be asleep. Weird Lisa had grown like any other woman and the caskets had lengthened with her. These are magical crystal cabinets keeping pace as she grew.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 12:09
This is some weird crap going on. Why did they have to put her in seven of them If they were just going to grow with her? I think we need to do a I don't know Caskets, write it down, email it to me. Are you oh Near death? Am I near death?
Micah (Knob Twister): 12:32
Are you near death?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 12:33
This needs to start out with do you have a dead child?
Micah (Knob Twister): 12:37
Oh, that's morbid. What Do you have? A dead child, or maybe another loved one that's near death? You might be interested in our seven Russian doll crystal caskets From Italy. It's based on the Russian nesting dolls Nesting dolls, but it's Italian crystal and you put your deceased child in the coffin. That's right, and then you put that coffin in another coffin and then that coffin in another coffin.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 13:07
This is a very long commercial.
Micah (Knob Twister): 13:09
And that coffin, we get the point. There's seven coffins in all, so that your child will be perfectly preserved until one day when you're mature enough to actually have a kid. You could then unlock the coffins, remove the comb from the child's hair and voila, they're alive. You are mature. So you can now raise this child the way it should be raised and not screw the whole thing up.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 13:39
I think you've spoiled like half the story and we hadn't got there yet.
Micah (Knob Twister): 13:43
So buy our crystal caskets.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 13:47
Limited time only. Use at your own risk. $19.99 plus tax Not available.
Micah (Knob Twister): 13:54
Each, and there's seven of them, so multiply that by seven.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 13:59
Not available in Alaska, hawaii, puerto Rico or where prohibited by law.
Micah (Knob Twister): 14:05
Oh, keeping pace as she grew. These are amazing caskets, dustin, take it away.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:14
When she beheld this lovely creature. I'm lost now. Oh, this is the curious, jealous wife.
Micah (Knob Twister): 14:20
She's unlocked each casket and she's now to the last one.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:24
The jealous woman at once thought.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:26
By my life. This is a fine thing Keys at one's girdle, yet nature makes horns.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:33
That sentence didn't make any sense.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:36
No wonder he never let anyone open the door and see the Mahomet that he worshipped inside the caskets.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:43
He was a devil worshipper. Saying this, she seized the girl by the hair. The dead girl dragged her out and in doing so caused the comb to drop out. So the sleeping Lisa awoke, calling.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 14:56
Mother, mother. I'll give you mother and father too.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 15:05
Cried the baroness Wow, who is as bitter as a slave I can't read that. As angry as a bitch with a litter of pups and as venomous as a snake, she's that Wow. She straight away cut off the girl's hair and thrashed her with tresses, dressed in her rags, and every day he blows upon her head and bruises upon her face. And every day he blows upon her head and bruises upon her face, blackening her eyes and making her mouth look as if she had eaten raw pigeons. Oh, that's a pretty awful look. Descriptions. I've never eaten a raw pigeon, but I can imagine it makes your mouth look pretty ugly.
Micah (Knob Twister): 15:48
Ooh, this is not good. I'll give you mother and father too. When her husband came back from his hunting party and saw this girl being so hardly used, he asked who she was Really, he doesn't know what's in the room.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:10
I know, but that's what he asks Not stop that what the crap is going on here. Crazy lady, why are you beating this child?
Micah (Knob Twister): 16:18
His wife answered yeah, because she's seven years old. Oh no wait, she grew during that time.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:25
Yeah, it said several years, but she's still a kid.
Micah (Knob Twister): 16:28
His wife answered that she was a slave sent her by her aunt. Only fit for rope's end and that one had to be forever beating her. Wow, Wow.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:45
This lady is definitely as angry as a bitch with a litter of pups, that's wow, I guess he didn't question that.
Micah (Knob Twister): 16:53
Yeah, he was fine with that. Yeah, he was fine with that. Oh well, carry on then.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 16:57
Beat her way, as long as it's a slave, you know.
Micah (Knob Twister): 17:01
Yeah.
Micah (Knob Twister): 17:02
Now, it happened one day, when the Baron had occasion to go to a fair, that he asked everyone in the house, including even the cat, that they would like him to buy for them, and when they had all chosen one thing and one another, he turned at last to the slave.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 17:21
But his wife flew into a rage and acted unbecomingly to a Christian. Up until now it was fine.
Micah (Knob Twister): 17:29
She had no mercy. Is what that means?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 17:31
Okay.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 17:32
Saying that's right. Class her with all the others, this thick-lipped slave. Let everyone be brought down to the same level and I'll use the urinal. Don't pay so much attention to a worthless bitch. Let her go to the devil Holy crap.
Micah (Knob Twister): 17:51
This is a rude woman who was kind and courteous and insisted that the slave should also ask for something, and she said to him I want nothing but a doll, a knife and a pumice stone.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 18:05
Wow.
Micah (Knob Twister): 18:06
And if you forget them may you never be able to cross the river that you came to on your journey.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 18:16
What this is all over the place.
Micah (Knob Twister): 18:20
That's definitely a curse. Well, yeah, that if you forget them, you will not be able to get home.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 18:26
Why is she cursing the dude? That's being nice to her.
Micah (Knob Twister): 18:29
You'll see. You gotta keep reading, dustin, it gets better.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 18:34
I want a doll and a knife Um no, I'm gonna have to say no to that one. And a knife Um no, I'm gonna have to say no to that one. Okay, the baron brought all the other things, but just forgot those for which the slave had asked him. So when he came to a river that carried down stones and trees to the shore to lay the foundations of fears and raise walls of wonder this is so weird, that's a mighty big river he found it impossible to ford it. Then he remembered the spell put on him by the slave and turned back and bought the three articles in question. When he arrived at home, he gave out each one thing for which they had asked what the heck?
Micah (Knob Twister): 19:21
When Lisa had what she wanted, she went into the kitchen and, putting the doll in front of her, began to weep and lament. And, putting the doll in front of her, began to weep and lament and recount all the story of her troubles to that bundle of cloth, just as it had been a real person. When it did not reply, she took the knife and sharpened it on the pumice stone and said Mind, if you don't answer me, I will dig this into you and that will put an end to the game Weird.
Micah (Knob Twister): 19:55
And that will put an end to the game Weird. And the doll swelling up like a reed when it had been blown in two answered at last. Oh, I'm the doll. Huh, answered at last, all right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 20:13
I have understood you. I'm not death.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 20:19
The music had already gone on for a couple days. Okay, when the baron, who had a little room on the other side of the kitchen, chanced to hear this song, what?
Micah (Knob Twister): 20:31
I don't know, it's like you missed something.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 20:35
This story is just discombobulated and, putting his eye to the keyhole, saw Lisa telling the doll about her mother's jump over the rose leaf, how she swallowed it, her own birth, the spell, the curse of the last fairy, the comb left in her hair. Her death, how she was shut into the seven caskets and placed in that room. Her mother's death, the longest run on sentence in the world. The key entrusted to the brother, his departure for the hunt, the jealousy of his wife, how she opened the room against her husband's commands, how she cut off her hair and treated her like a slave and the many, many torments she had inflicted upon her.
Micah (Knob Twister): 21:17
That could have been summed up. And all the while she wept and said Answer me, dolly, or I will kill myself with this knife. Just do it. Wow, dustin, there's a lot of oh man, she's been through a lot and you're like Go ahead and kill yourself. They're all crazy people. And, sharpening it on the pumice stone, she would have plunged it into herself had not the Baron kicked down the door and snatched the knife out of her hand. Go Baron.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 21:53
He made her tell him the story again at greater length, greater than the last length. Do it again, dust, I'm not reading all that again. It wore me out. And then he embraced his niece and took her away from that house and left her in charge of one of his relations in order that she should get better, for the hard usage had inflicted on her by his hard-hearted wife had made her quite thin and pale. You think yes.
Micah (Knob Twister): 22:22
After several months, when she had become as beautiful as a goddess, the baron brought her home and told her and told everyone that she was his niece Weird. He ordered a great banquet and when the food had been cleared away, he asked Lisa to tell the story of the hardship she had undergone and of the cruelty of his wife, a tale which made all the guests weep.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 22:50
Hmm, that's awful. Then he sharpened the knife upon the pumice stone and gave it to Lisa's little doll. Okay says that sharpened the knife upon the pumice stone and gave it to Lisa's little doll. Okay says that, to the amazement of those attending the feast, the doll drew breath and heft the knife high with both hands, proceeding to stab repeatedly at the fine breast of the baron's wife not the saggy old breast, the fine breast. Time and time again the knife cleaved deep into her chest till her heart sprung forth in a crimson fountain, lovely Speckling the now horrified onlookers with the hot blood, horrified right Blood wrought with jealousy and hatred. The little doll once more drew jealousy and hatred. The little doll once more drew breath and cried. Really, the little doll once more drew breath and cried.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 23:52
Can you?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 23:54
hear me now bitch. And with that hilarity is the end of the story.
Micah (Knob Twister): 24:00
And that entire last paragraph is not real. Did you just make that up? I wrote that entire last paragraph because let me read for you the last paragraph. It was not as exciting as that. Then he drove his wife away, sending her back to her parents, and gave his niece a handsome husband of her own choice. Thus Lisa testified that heaven rains favors on us when we least expect it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 24:34
I like that ending. I like the other one.
Micah (Knob Twister): 24:36
I like that ending. I like the other one, the fountain of blood. You're a gruesome individual, I have to say Wow, can you hear me now?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 24:51
Well, the fine breasts and the misspellings now make sense.
Micah (Knob Twister): 24:56
Oh man, my bad Dustin, I gave myself away.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 25:05
Wow that well, I was as weird as this story was. I was all for it. That seemed right so, yeah, uh, I liked the real ending because the the girl got to choose her husband and it wasn't the other way around consent, consent, he didn't give her to somebody, she got to pick him, that's right, I do, for all the beans are ripe.
Micah (Knob Twister): 25:25
Good night, bye. Oh wait, wait. Don't forget to tell your friends and family about our awesome podcast.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 25:39
Yeah, tell them to listen to that one. It was great.
Micah (Knob Twister): 25:42
Check out our website at TalesOfBedlamcom, where you can listen to all our stories.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 25:49
They're not all nearly as gruesome as that.
Micah (Knob Twister): 25:51
But all the ones during October of this year are oh, that's right.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 25:56
We're doing the gory month, yep.
Micah (Knob Twister): 25:58
Same as last year, october. Oh, that's right, we're doing the gory month. Yep, same as last year, October. So if you didn't get enough this year of the five tales that we are giving to you this year in October 2019, you can always check out the October of 2018 in our archives. Yeah, buddy, talesofbedlamcom. Good night, all right. Y'all come back now you read that like it was just really part of the story.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter): 26:31
It was on my paper man. It flowed pretty good with the story Made sense. I thought it was a little harsh the last sentence sentence, but it was in there a couple times anyway. So who's the question?