Death of the Little Hen Transcript
Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:08
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam, a fairy tale, audio comedy. I'm your host, knob Twister.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host00:16
I don't want to be sofa sitter tonight, then be whatever you would like, alumbaba.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:21
Every Thursday, we will present to you another hand-picked fairy tale from a different time, place and culture, and dimension, dimension.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host00:32
I hate dimensions. They ruin my TV shows.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:36
I hate getting trapped in dimensions.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host00:39
Different dimension. Oh, he died, but we brought him back from the other dimension, blech.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:45
Welcome to Marvel At Tales of Bethlehem. That's DC At Tales of Bethlehem. We are grateful for you, the listener. We love you, listener. Let us know how we're doing. Leave a comment on Facebook, Twitter or our website at TalesofBethlehemcom, Please do. Makes my watch go ding, ding, ding. And if you think Bubba is amazing, Bubba I am amazing. Then the best way to help us is to leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. It really does help others find us.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:19
It's because we want your friends to be as happy as you are.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host01:23
That's correct and that's the only reason. It has nothing to do with our pocketbook.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:29
I don't have a pocketbook.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host01:32
Or our downloads. I don't live in the 1800s. Today's story is straight from Brothers Grimm.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:39
Ooh Brothers Grimm tale.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host01:41
Death of the Little Hen, and we have a very special guest with us today. I can't see him.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:50
Mr.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host01:50
Death Hades. I am death.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:54
Mr Death, you just sit there and read your lines because you are a pain in the butt, I am very glad to be here today, bubba, all right, you just read your lines and keep your little sickle away from me, jerk.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host02:09
Dustin, will you start us off with Death of the Little Hen?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host02:13
I certainly will. Oh, it's my favorite opening ever. Once upon a time the little hen went with the little chick to the nut hill. Why wouldn't they? If I had a nut hill I'd go, and they agreed together that, whichsoever, all one word of Whiskey got me, are you okay? Mind your business. Wellness director, I'm fine.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host02:46
Would you like an aspirin?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host02:48
I don't need any aspirin. Put the sickle down. And they agreed together that whichsoever of them found a kernel of a nut should share it with the other.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host03:00
Sharing Nice Sharing is caring.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host03:04
Then the hen found a large, large nut. Whoa, that's a nut. It was on nut hill but said nothing about it.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host03:12
Oh, wait, you should have said nothing. Nothing about it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host03:19
We're not we're not doing bad puns that's bad bad? Oh man, that's not okay, but said nothing about it, intending to eat the colonel herself Selfish.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host03:33
The colonel, however, was so large that she could not swallow it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host03:38
That's what you get.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host03:39
And it remained sticking in her throat so that she was alarmed. Least she should be choked. Yep, then she cried, chick, I entreat you to run as fast as you can and fetch me some water, or I shall choke no little hen is truly dead till.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host04:00
The ripples of life have smoothed upon the waters. Oh man do you have?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host04:09
to be so creepy. I am death Understood. Little Rooster ran as fast as he could to the well and said what's happening here? The hen and the chick Where'd?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host04:24
the rooster come in. I thought that was weird when I first read it, but the little hen and the little rooster are the same. It is weird At first it just calls them the little chick and then suddenly it's a little rooster for the remainder of the story. They can't do that, that's not okay, that's what they did.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host04:41
So we have a little hen and a little rooster. Okay, that's what they did. So we have a little hen and a little rooster. Okay, little rooster ran fast as he could to the well and said Well, you must give me some water. Little hen's lying on the nut mountain and she's about to choke to death.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host05:00
First run to the bridge, the well answered, and get some red silk for me, Duh.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host05:10
According to Chinese legend, the Empress was sipping tea under a mulberry tree when a cocoon fell into her cup and began to unravel what?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host05:21
The.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host05:21
Empress became so enamored with the shimmering threads she looked to discover the source A silkworm found in the mulberry tree. The silk was born by the death of a baby worm.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host05:34
Did that have anything to do with the story, sir Death?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host05:37
Yes, I think he was just pointing out the origin of silk.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host05:42
Oh what, don't just throw random stuff in the story? Now I'm confused.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host05:51
Stop confusing people Death. Please Please Go back to your yoga.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host05:56
I'm going to check Dustin's hourglass. What the hell.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:02
So, uh, so little rooster ran to the bridge and said Right, I need some red silk from you. The silk is for the well. Who'll give me some water to take up to the little hen who's lying on the nut mountain where she swallowed a large kernel and is about to choke to death bruh?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host06:18
The bride answered First run and fetch me my wreath. They got caught on the branch of a willow.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:25
No, chicken's not going to make it.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host06:27
The drooping branches of a willow. No, a chicken's not going to make it. The drooping branches of a willow tree resemble tears.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:32
Thank you for that. I am death man. You're so weird. Who hired you? He was cheap.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host06:42
He only works for chickens.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:46
I'm talking to HR. So Little Rooster ran to the willow, pulled the wreath from the branch and brought it back to the bride. In return, the bride gave him some red silk and the little rooster brought it to the well, who gave him water in exchange. And then the little old lady swallowed a fly.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host07:04
But we don't know why she swallowed a fly.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host07:06
The little rooster brought the water to the hen. I don't know why she swallowed a fly. The little rooster brought the water to the hen, but by the time he had reached her she had choked to death and laid there motionless and dead. Hope you're happy now.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host07:19
Not happy, only content.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host07:24
You would be happy, wouldn't you?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host07:27
I think it'd be a great time to have a. Oh, we need a sponsor break Sponsor break.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host07:34
That's hilarious.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host07:36
How about, mr Death Hades? You just take a short break.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host07:40
Yeah, go kill something, have a smoke break, leave us alone for a minute.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host07:44
Tick tock, tick tock, I'll be back.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host07:58
Thank you. Try not to get a tumor while you're gone either. It's not a tumor, all right. Well, guess what we have for you today. It's exciting times at brickel brit inc. And the executives have declared that we must keep the adoring masses up to date with all the exciting developments with a Tales of Bedlam newsletter.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host08:14
Whoop, whoop. Yeah, it may mean a little overtime for the writers and other assorted peons, but Mr Death Hades, who is out smoking, has declared no more lunch breaks until it has been made, so we do love our food, food.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host08:29
So we are proud to announce in the very near future, our newsletter will be available on a monthly basis, with special announcements as the powers that be see fit how can I get this amazing, informative newsletter?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host08:45
you ask yes how can? I. It's super simple. All we need is an email address, a notarized letter of recommendation, a DNA sample, a cashier's check for your firstborn.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host09:03
Death. I told you to take a break. Be on, be gone. I've just been informed that, due to various legal regulations, we will need an email address. Just and just.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host09:17
We will just need an email address, just, we will not need. You can go to our website if you want.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host09:28
You can go to our website Don't call death in Christmas.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host09:34
I always say go to the website ten times a day and I can't say it. You, you, you can go to our website at TalesOfBedlamcom and enter your information in our brand new subscribe box. Whoop, whoop, yes, Then just sit back, enjoy our latest episode and wait for the goodness to arrive.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host09:58
For public health and the safety of our donkeys, please don't send us any DNA, but cashier checks are fine.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:06
Oh yes, they are. We won't send them back. Please don't send us DNA.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host10:15
So back to the story. Quick recap. Oh, yes, you can come back in death.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:20
Chicken died. Yeah, you're back up.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host10:23
Chicken died the chicken had choked to death while waiting for a drink of water from his friend the little rooster.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:30
The chicken wasn't very resourceful, may I?
Mr. Death HadesCo-host10:33
sit here.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:34
Where are we? Oh, that's right.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host10:36
It's up, it's on.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:37
You Got it, I'm on it. Little rooster became so sad that he uttered a loud cry.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host10:59
That was sad that was, and all the animals came and mourned for her. That touched me. You can't see it, but I'm holding my heart.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host11:03
Poor dead chicken.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:03
Chicken wings six mice built a little wagon that was to carry little Hen to her grave. When the wagon was finished, the mice harnessed themselves to it and the little rooster was to drive the wagon Along. The way they encountered the fox who asked when are you going, little rooster?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host11:25
I'm off to bury my little hen.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:30
May I ride with you?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host11:34
Of course you can't jerk. You're a fox, oop off script. Yes, yes. But since you're so heavy, take a seat in the back. If you sit up front, my horses would fall. I gotta go back.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:56
Six mice built a wagon that horses are carrying. I think that he's referring to the horses, as they're the mice. The mice are the horses because they hitched themselves to the wagon that they built the mice harness themselves to it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host12:08
But they're not horses, they're mice. Why don't you just say my team? I'm sorry, ugh details. The devil is in the details.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host12:19
You find this weird? Does anyone find it odd this introduction to another character that has no purpose to forward the plot?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host12:31
You don't know that Death sit down. Why do you keep getting up?
Mr. Death HadesCo-host12:35
I'm restless.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host12:36
Put the sickle down.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host12:37
Must reap. He's looking at you very creepily, I'll punch his face.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host12:45
I'm good with it. I have my will filled out. If you sat up front, my horses would fall and the wagon would crack, even though they're not horses, they're mice. So the fox sat down in the back, then the wolf what?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host12:59
Yes, keep going the bear, yeah.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host13:02
The wolf and the bear and the stag the lion. Lions and tigers and bears, and stags and all the animals in the forest took a seat in the back. These were some strong freaking mice.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host13:17
Super mice. They were Arnold mice, Wow. Thus they continued their journey Until they came to a brook. How shall we get?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host13:29
across.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host13:30
Asked the little rooster A straw was lying near the brook and said I'll lay myself across the brook, then you can drive over me.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host13:39
Because that makes a lot of sense. You know why? Because we're back to Brothers Grimm and the mushroom eating.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host13:47
A straw is going to hold.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host13:51
Somebody needed to get to the Brothers Grimm's house and get the mushrooms out of their hands.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host13:58
We need a time machine stat what the heck we need a TARDIS, a straw, a TARDIS. And this was a lion, a bear, a heck. We need a TARDIS.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:03
A straw, a TARDIS, and this was a lion, a bear, a stag and a wolf.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host14:08
Yes, not to mention the rooster.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:11
A rooster.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host14:12
And six mice are dragging this thing Are going over the brook on a straw. They're going .00378 miles per hour. If that, no, sorry, seven, eight miles per hour.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:23
If that.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host14:24
No, sorry, centimeters.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:25
Scratch that Per day oh my gosh, this has gone over the top. I don't even want to see how this ends. However, as soon as the six mice touched the bridge, well, shockingly enough the straw slipped and fell into the water and the six mice went tumbling after and drowned.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host14:48
I remember this day. It kept me very busy. You're ferrying mice.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:55
Come on, man, you need to get a hobby. You need to get a different hobby. He has a hobby he's the head of our health and wellness department.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host15:06
Yeah, and see how well that's working out yeah, see how well it's working out.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:14
So the situation was just as bad as it has been. Uh, no, that's not true, but I'm gonna start. So the situation was just as bad as it had been before. I think it's worse.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host15:26
I think it's worse, much, much worse.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:30
But oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, but a piece of hot coal came along.
15:37
Oh yeah, it just was rolling down the road, apparently, was rolling down the road, apparently, and said how, how does one imitate the voice of a piece of hot coal? I don't know, I'm large enough, I lay myself across and you can drive over me. That's not gonna end well. Then the piece of coal also laid itself across the water, smart. Then was it extinguished, but unfortunately it grazed the surface a little Soon. It started hissing and before long it was extinguished and died.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host16:16
Smooth water, no ripples, just sizzle.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:21
Really With the coal?
Mr. Death HadesCo-host16:23
Yes, hey, the coal, yes.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host16:25
Hey, the coal died. I guess he's got to ferry it to the other side.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:30
Do you have assistance to help with all the inanimate objects in the world? What's going on?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host16:33
Would coal heaven be like? I don't know like. Would they be reverted to hardwood trees?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:40
I'd say it was a bunch of stockings, coal heaven.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host16:46
When a stone saw that it took pity on Little Rooster and offered its help, it lay down across the water and now Little Rooster himself pulled the wagon across.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host17:00
Because the mice were dead.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host17:02
When he reached the other side and was already on land with dead little hen. He wanted to help the others in the back out of the wagon, but there were too many of them and the wagon slipped backward, causing everyone to fall into the water and drown. This is the worst story ever.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host17:22
Everybody dies.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host17:22
It's morbid, very morb. Ever Everybody dies. It's morbid, very morbid.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host17:24
Everybody dies.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host17:26
I took them all to their proper place. Little Cole went directly to hell.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host17:36
You've just got to settle it down. You know what?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host17:40
Oh, take us to the end, Dustin. It's just two more sentences.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host17:44
So Little Rooster was all alone with the little dead hen.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host17:49
Oh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host17:50
This is, I can't finish it. And he dug a grave for her, which he could have done on top of Nuthill. Then he laid her in it and made a mound on top. It's lovely, that was nice. Afterward he sat down on the ground and grieved until he too died.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host18:07
Oh, Wait, let's let death say the last sentence.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host18:14
And then everyone was dead.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host18:21
What was the what? The wah, wah, holy, stinking crap was that.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host18:34
I don't know. Let's figure it out. No, there's nothing to figure out.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host18:38
Everybody died Everybody.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host18:41
What.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host18:42
Everybody died what?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host18:44
could the purpose of this tale be for people back in the 1600s?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host18:50
If you don't share your large nut that you find on the top of Nuthill, everybody dies, everybody. That's deep.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host19:01
Everybody. If you don't share your nuts, everybody, everyone dies. It's like a.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host19:09
John Wick movie yeah, everybody. No, there's people. There's at least one person that's alive.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host19:17
John Wick movies, john Wick 3 Everybody dies, they steal his nuts and everyone must die.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host19:30
Including John Wick, also known as Baba. Yaga, everybody, everybody. The bear, the wolf, the stag, the fox the chicken, the rooster, the mice, the coal the straw.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host19:49
Hey, the rock made it. He was rock solid.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host19:53
How do you kill a rock?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host19:54
I don't know, you can't.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host19:58
That was disturbing.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host19:59
I'm out Good night Bye, thanks to our special guest.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host20:03
Death Now go away, go Back in your corner.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host20:08
Good night. Be seeing you shortly.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host20:11
Back in the corner. Ha ha ha.
Mr. Death HadesCo-host20:18
Stories like this carry us back to a primordial kind of attention the attention we gave the world when every day was a struggle to stay alive.