The Friendly Ogre Transcript

Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:08

Welcome to Tales of Bedlam. I'm your host, Micah. I'm Batman. You've used that one before.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host00:15

I've used Bubba several times too.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:18

That's my co-host. He's Batman. He's a treasure. We have a very special episode for you today, because today we get to read a story from a modern, accomplished writer who lives in the UK oh, this is exciting has contacted us and has allowed us to read a couple of her fairy tales Excellent. Her name is Amelia Brown.

00:45

She started writing officially as a humor columnist for her university's newspaper In September of 2016,. She won an honorable mention in the Writers of the Future contest for her short story, A Womb at the Edge of Space. She will be published in the 81 Words Anthology sometime in the near future and she is the author behind the blog Fairy Stories and Other Tales, which we will have a link to in the show notes on this podcast and in the show notes on our website at talesofbedlamcom. We'll also put a link on the homepage, so if you'd like to get a direct link to check her out and her many excellent stories, Do it. You'll be able to. Don't forget to subscribe to her also Recently featured in the Warren Stories selection of Dead Rabbit's books.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:44

I want to read some dead rabbit books oh yeah, I thought we followed the dead rabbits on our twitter did we I did yeah what is that about?

Micah (Knob Twister)Host01:53

that's interesting. It's a rabbit, it's a writer's group.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:57

It's very interesting they have. We can roll through our twitter sometimes and check out what they tweet. I'm too busy, I know, micah never does that, but I see the Dead Rabbits posts and it's very interesting. It's a bunch of. I think they're based in New York and it's just a writers group and they always get tossing around ideas and posting different stuff about who's writing what. It's good. I like it.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host02:28

Amelia has just semi-retired, at great risk, and far too young of an age, from academic life in Cambridge UK to write in the quantity her heart desires.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host02:41

Excellent. It's never too young. You're never too young to retire, amelia, do it, do it, write some more stories.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host02:50

The story of Amelia Browns that we are reading today is the Friendly Ogre.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host02:55

Oh, we love ogres.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host02:58

Dustin, take it away.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host03:00

I can start this one out. A boy passed a flat, smooth stone to another, his compatriot, in the crime of disturbing a pristinely calm surface of lake water that lay on the edge of a thick wood.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host03:15

It's perfect, exclaimed the other, taking the stone, feeling the smoothness between his fingers. He worked the stone into his hand until it sat just right and then whipped it out again from him as it danced across the water.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host03:31

They counted five, no, six small dents in the water, sending rings of ripples. Well done, pen, said the first boy, marveling at his friend's great feat.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host03:43

Jolly good, stone brushed off Penn. Nice, but his face held a delight to grin as both boys bent to search for another perfect stone.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host03:55

Excellent.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host03:55

It was only a matter of seconds, however. Before they both stood up, ramrod straight For all at once a sound came echoing out of the wood, loud enough to send echoes beaming across the lake.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host04:09

Whoa john, said pen hesitantly to the other boy yes, asked john with an uncharacteristically soft voice as he peered into the trees no one lives in the forest right, not that I've ever heard, said john, as far as he knew, the forest had been empty for years and had no intention of changing.

04:31

But his momentary apprehension proved short-lived, for unknown noises in the forest meant only one thing, and that thing was adventure. Oh, we love adventure. His feet practically danced at the thought of it as he moved, out of pure instinct, toward the wood. Well, come on then, he said to Penn as he headed for the trees. It was only natural that Penn followed him. Oh, follower.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host05:00

Boys will be boys. There they go. The boys pressed into the forest, walking atop the mossy forest floor and winding their way through thickly growing trees and shrubs. They hadn't been in the wood long before they heard the noise again, and this time it was much closer.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host05:19

Why are they going closer to this noise that was causing ripples in the lake?

Micah (Knob Twister)Host05:25

John, I think I see something. Penn whispered very quietly, looking carefully to his right.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host05:33

John stepped lightly to Penn's side and looked hard. I see it too. He whispered back just as quietly. As they realized what it was they saw, they stood stunned, for what they saw was an enormous ogre wielding an enormous axe striking an enormous tree. That's three enormouses. There were some enormous things happening.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host05:58

It was the final stroke, for the tree fell with a loud thump as it bounced slightly against the mossy earth and bounced off several smaller trees. Nice, nice. The boys began to step away slowly, step by trembling step.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:24

Good call, good call. Boys, get out of there. I think I would too. I know ogres. Do they cook people? Yeah, they put them in pots.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host06:33

Ogres have an enormous appetite, enormous.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:37

But then the ogre did something odd and unexpected. But then the ogre did something odd and unexpected. He for it had to be a he, given the voluminous and brushy quality of hair on his face took out a handkerchief. What Now, wait, he did an odd thing he took out a handkerchief.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host06:55

Well, how many ogres do you know who have handkerchiefs?

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:59

Well, I don't know very many ogres, but true, true that Pan and John stood in silence as the ogre wiped the sweat off his green-tinged brow and then sat down on the fallen tree's enormous stump, reaching into its vest, which revealed more bushy hair. That was a hairy ogre, and did nothing to hide his bulging green-tinged muscles that lay beneath it. The ogre must have found an inside pocket, for he pulled out a pipe.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host07:34

I wonder if there was some reminiscence of the author's maybe grandfather, Because this so reminds me of my grandpa working out in the garden. He always had the handkerchief pulled it out to wipe his head.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host07:51

And he was huge and green and hairy.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host07:53

Yes, my grandpa was very huge and hairy, maybe not so green, but he was big and hairy, interesting. It seemed like she wrote that with a little bit of she kind of knew the person.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host08:06

Yeah, mm-hmm.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host08:08

In no time at all. Smoke crawled out of the pipe's bowl and blew out the ogre's mouth, while the pungent aroma began to fill the boy's noses.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host08:19

Mm-hmm.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host08:20

I like.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host08:21

Pipe smoke yes Me too.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host08:23

So relaxed did the ogre look, Ha ha. So relaxed did Korea look what? So relaxed did the ogre look that Penn and John were taken by surprise when the ogre suddenly said I see you Ha ha Rat ro.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host08:41

It was said politely enough, but it rumbled through the sparse brush that was supposed to be hiding the boys and caused them to jump, no doubt. And then they froze, both thinking that perhaps the ogre meant that right at them come and have a chat me me me. I'm kind of bony and scraggly and you don't want to eat me.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host09:20

He wants to talk to you, John.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host09:22

Yeah right, he's the fat one.

09:25

Hmm, that sealed it. The ogre did not see someone else, as though they could speak mind to mind. Penn and John knew they were having similar thoughts. On the one hand, there was the oh my goodness, and he's seen us, and he's going to eat us, and we're doomed. Well, that's what's going through my head and I'll tell you right now. But on the other hand, well, a chat that doesn't sound so bad, and it would be rather thrilling to talk to a real ogre, and he really seems like a decent chap, what with the pipe and all. Naturally, the second hand outweighed the first. The two boys pushed aside the brush, as they did their fears and doubts, that is to say tentatively, and stood before the ogre.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host10:18

Oh man, Looking up into. Oh sorry, wow, so sorry.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:26

I felt like I should be reading you'd read for a while, looking up into his gnarled face that had a nose like a pig snout, ears that stuck out a foot on either side. That's enormous's. Some big ears, feller, and eyebrows that look just plain deadly. Ooh, john said, what do you want with us?

Micah (Knob Twister)Host10:51

What big ears you have.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:54

What big teeth and deadly eyebrows. It was better to get it all out in the open, John thought.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:01

Penn grimaced, but only very slightly. Penn was rather sensitive to rude questions, but then again, under the circumstances it was a very legitimate question.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host11:13

I'm with you, Penn.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:14

Their apprehension lessened slightly when the ogre gave a small chuckle. When the ogre gave a small chuckle, for despite his ugly exterior, his laugh was warm and kindly.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:29

Why just what I said, little lad?

Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:35

said the ogre, his voice so deep, the ground shook ever so slightly beneath their feet.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host11:39

It was good enough for John. He opened his mouth to start talking but found he didn't know what to say. Penn could see his friend had hit a wall.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:49

What do you want to chat about?

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host11:51

said Penn digging John out of the hole, the ogre appeared to give it a moment's serious thought, hmm, before putting an elbow on his knee and bending closer.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host12:04

Why anything you want, said the ogre.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host12:08

Penn and John couldn't help but think that the ogre really was a most amiable fellow, asking them to talk about whatever they wanted, and the ogre's generosity could not be passed by. I can sling a rock twenty meters, john said. Paving the way, I can sling a rock twenty meters.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host12:24

John said paving the way, I can skip a rock in ten times, said Penn. Sometimes he added, just in case the ogre tested him.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host12:32

Impressive said the ogre, I can pick up this whole tree and chuck it into the lake he said joining in the list of feats that's feet.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host12:47

No way said, john we mean that's feet chucking a tree into a lake. Oh, that is a, that's a feat.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host12:57

Wow, said Penn at the exact same moment. Want to see Asked the ogre with a twinkle in his yellow eye. Man, this is one ugly ogre. Do you think he only has one eye? I?

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host13:11

don't know it says yellow eye. Huge and green and hairy and has yellow eye, but he also has a handkerchief and tobacco.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host13:29

Alright, yeah, he's a civilized ogre, civilized ugly ogre Rather, exclaimed Penn, his eyes as round as saucers.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host13:41

As John's mouth hung open before he said yes, please. With great enthusiasm, john and Penn followed their new friend down to the lake, for the ogre, indeed, could pick up the whole tree, and the splash it made when he tossed it was unlike any other splashing the boys had ever seen. The adventure marked the beginning of a great friendship that brought Penn and John back to the wood day after day, until one day they looked all around and the ogre had disappeared. Oh, was this a sad story. But that was all right, for the boys weren't boys any longer, and with the memory of the best adventures, the boys left it at that, each with a handful of stories in his pocket.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host14:29

Oh, it had a good ending, and they lived happily ever after it was a friendship story, yeah, and it kind of reminds me of like christopher robin as he grew up, or or peter pan, you know right wendy with peter pan as they grow up, they you know they forget those, the fairy fairy, the fairy tales of their youth yeah, they. They're still fond memories, but they don't relive them any longer. That's why the ogre, you know, disappeared right.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:01

And then one day they were grown up.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host15:04

And they didn't need the story anymore, I guess to.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:08

To find their adventures. Yeah, exactly, nicely done, amelia Brown.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host15:12

Very adventurous of the two to wander into the woods after some scary noises that tremble the lake.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:19

Yeah, I'm telling you Some brave kids, that wouldn't have been yeah.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host15:21

I'm telling you Some brave kids, that wouldn't have been me, I'd have been Well first of all, you would have never left the house, you wouldn't be at the lake.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:31

True that I don't go outside very often.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host15:35

Thank you, Amelia Brown, for this excellent story and as a bonus for the week, we're going to read another one of her stories right after this. So if you're listening now, don't forget to listen to the bonus.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:49

Bonus, bonus. We love a bonus.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host15:53

Again, I will list links to Amelia Brown's stories her blog page.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:59

Fairy Stories and Other Tales.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host16:01

Yes, in the show notes. Look it up.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:05

She's got some great stories.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host16:07

Yes.

Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:08

Thank you, Amelia.

Micah (Knob Twister)Host16:09

Good night, bye, bye.