The Laughing Prince Transcript
Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:08
Welcome to Tales of Bedlam, a fairy tale audio comedy.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host00:13
You're a bit of a lightweight. You know what?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:16
Oh sorry, I'm your host Off topic, Micah aka Knob Twister I am death.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host00:27
No, we put him, him away. He won't be here tonight.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:30
I'm dustin, the sofa sitter every thursday, we will present to you another hand-picked fairy tale from a different time, place and culture, or, as dustin likes to say, dimension Nice.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host00:46
Because if we kill people off, we can just bring them right back.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:48
That's right. I killed Dustin off last weekend and he's here again.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host00:54
I'm a sofa sitter from another dimension sister.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host00:57
At Tales of Bedlam. We are grateful for you. Yes, you the listener. You listening right now. Let us know how we are doing. Leave us a comment on Facebook, twitter or our website at talesofbedlamcom. That'd be lovely. And if you really think we're amazing, then the best way to help us is to leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. It really does help others find our excellence.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:29
We are excellent.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host01:31
We don't need to get a big head or anything. Party on, ted. So, without further ado, today's fairy tale is a Slavic or Russian tale the Laughing Prince, the boy who could talk nonsense.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:46
Oh, this is perfect. I talk all kinds of nonsense here we go. There. Once was a farmer who had three sons and one little daughter. The eldest son was a studious boy who learned so much out of books that the farmer said we must send Mahalo to school and make a priest of him. The second boy was a trader Whatever you had, he would get it from you by offering you something else for it. Well, thank you for defining what a trader is, and always, what he gave you is worth less than what you gave him.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host02:24
So he's not a trader, he's a swindler.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host02:27
Yeah, he's a con man. Hmm, nicely done. Jakov will make a fine peddler. The farmer said he's industrious and sharp and someday he'll probably be a rich man. Probably, but maybe not.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host02:41
And he might end up in jail. But maybe not and he might enough in jail. But Stefan, the farmer's youngest son, had no special talent and because he didn't spend all of his time with his nose in a book and because he never made the best of a bargain, his brother scorned him. Melitza, his little sister, loved him dearly for he was kind and jolly In the evening. He was always ready to tell her stories and play with her. But the farmer, of course, listened to the older brothers. Of course.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host03:18
Why of course, being kind and jolly is a special talent.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host03:23
I dare say it's better than a swindler. And sometimes better than a priest, depending on if he's a good one.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host03:33
We're not going to go down the priest road tonight. This is a long one, so we're trying not to get sidetracked. Okay, but Kind and jolly is a special talent, he's like Santa. Go in the stockings. No, that's not Santa, that's the other one I don't know about poor Stefan. He used to say he's a good boy, but he talks nonsense. I suppose he'll have to stay on the farm and work.
04:01
Boo, there's nothing wrong with living on a farm and working I'm kind of jolly and talk nonsense and I don't live on a farm now. The truth is the farm was a fine place for stefan, for he was strong and lusty and hey, boy he liked to plow.
04:22
Wow, harvest, I'm doing exactly what I tell you not to do. And harvest, as he had a wonderful way with the animals, he talked to them as if they were human beings, and the horses all winnieed when they came near and the cows rubbed their soft noses against his shoulder. And as for the pigs, dot, dot dot. They loved him so much that whenever they saw him, they used to run squeezing between his legs. He was lusty. Stuffin is nothing but a farmer. Mahalo used to say, as though being a farmer was something to be ashamed of. Don't shame farmers.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host05:07
I love farmers and Jakov said If the village people could see the pigs following him about how they'd laugh at him. I hope when I go to the village to live In a penthouse he won't be visiting me all the time.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host05:26
Was Jakov the swindler yes, he was living in trump tower.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host05:32
Another thing the older brothers couldn't understand about stefan was why he was always laughing and joking. He did the work of two men, but whether he was working or resting, you could always hear him cracking his merry jokes and laughing his jolly laugh wow, I think this is a, I think he's a fine man yeah, we're always joking around I think he's foolish maov said that seemed like a short line for me. Jakov hopped.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:07
He hopped.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host06:08
Yes, he hopped. I mean he hoped that the village people wouldn't hear about his carryings on.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:15
They'd laugh at him, he said They'd laugh at us too, because we're his brothers. But Stefan didn't care. The more they frowned at him, the louder he laughed, and in spite of their dark looks, he kept on cracking his merry jokes and talking nonsense. Go, stefan, you're my new hero. And every evening after supper, his little sister, mil, clapped her hands and cried.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host06:44
Now, stefan, tell me a joke, tell me a story.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host06:50
Weird, that was weird. Father Mahalo would say you ought to make him keep quiet. He's foolish and all he does is fill Milica's head with nonsense.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host07:02
This always made Milza very indignant and she would stamp her little foot and say he isn't Sorry.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host07:15
Oh, he isn't foolish. He knows more than anyone and he can do more things than anyone else, and he's the handsomest brother in the world.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host07:28
Lovely. You see, melitza loves Stefan dearly. And when you love a person, of course you think that that person is wonderful. Thank you for that exposition, but the father supposed that Mihalo.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host07:43
Wait, wait. What if you love a person? You think that person's wonderful that's.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host07:49
Yeah, it's weird, I know, but I need to tell my wife now that we have spelled it out you're wonderful baby oh, fourth wall break. No, wait a minute. Was that like a sixth wall break?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host08:01
why there's you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host08:02
You shouldn't even have a wall fifth six, that was the dimensional wall break in this next sentence makes my head hurts, makes, makes my head, makes my heads because I have more than one head hurt makes my head hurt. But the father supposed that mahalo, that Mahalo must be right for Mahalo studying in books.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host08:25
Oh, Right, he's book learned.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host08:28
So he shook his head and sighed every time he thought of Stefan.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host08:35
Now the kingdom in which the three brothers lived was ruled over by a great czar who had an only daughter. I bet he wants Ooh, ooh, ooh. Not some great parenting over the world for tutors and teachers and had the poor girl taught state craft and law and philosophy. He made her watch eight seasons of Game of Thrones and all the other things that the heir to the throne ought to know.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host09:17
Why was that a bad thing? What's?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host09:21
going on. He's just raising her to take the throne well, okay, like girls couldn't do that. He's not saying she can't even if he had a son, he'd still teach him how to rule right, right because having his daughter brought up as though she were a boy is what it says.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host09:39
And then he sent all over the river tutors and teachers that had the poor girl stuff.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host09:45
Wait, wait, wait.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host09:45
Statecraft and law and philosophy. Dustin, poor girl.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host09:50
I don't think it was in a bad way. He was preparing her to rule because he didn't have a son and at the time, a son would have had claim to the throne, whereas, since he didn't, he was preparing his daughter the best he could so that when he died, she would be able to rule in his place. It's not that he thought she was any less. Where's the queen in this story? Oh gosh, you're up.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:18
Won't anybody find me somebody?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:23
to love.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host10:26
Well, we were like in complete harmony.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host10:28
That was not harmony and we apologize right now that that happened and that's not the queen we were talking about. The princess, because she was an obedient girl and because she loved her father, tried to spend all her time in study. But the dry old scholars whom the Tsar employed as teachers were not amusing companions for a young girl.
11:01
And the first lady-in-waiting who was in constant attendance, was scarcely any better, for she too was old and very prim. Get this poor girl something to do. If the poor little princess uh, it's, oh well, that was right. If the poor little princess, between her geography lessons and arithmetic lessons, would peep for a moment into a mirror, the first lady waiting would tap her arm reprovingly and say my dear Vanity is not becoming a princess man, she can't even look at herself in a mirror.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:42
One day, the little princess lost her temper and answered sharply.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host11:46
Get her. But I'm a girl, even if I am a princess, and I love to look in mirrors and I love to make myself pretty and I love to go to the ball every night of my life and dance with handsome young men.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host12:04
She broke out into song.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host12:05
Apparently you talk like the daughter of a farmer, the first lady-in-waiting said Then the princess, because she lost her temper, still furthers something she should have not said. I wish.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host12:19
I were the daughter of a farmer, she declared. I wish I were the daughter of a farmer she declared Then I could wear pretty ribbons and go dancing with the boys Would come courting me. I have no idea what's going on. I have to spend all my life with funny old men and silly old women. The boys.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host12:48
Apparently we've moved to Broadway. I wasn't informed this was going to be a musical before it started. Just so everybody knows Dancing with the boys Now now. Now, even if her tutors and teachers were funny looking old men, even if her tutors and teachers were funny-looking old men, even if the First Lady-in-Waiting was a silly old woman, the princess should not have said so. No, I don't know, why not?
13:16
It hurt the feelings of the First Lady-in-Waiting and made her angry, and she ran off to the Tsar at once and complained most bitterly while thin-skinned is my reward after all the years of loving, long service to your daughter.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host13:32
She asked is it true that I've grown old and thin after all her manners? And now she calls me a silly old woman. And all the learned wise men and scholars that you have gathered from the Kvarkors of the earth? She points her fingers at them and calls them funny old men.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host13:50
The fact is they were funny-looking most of them, but yet the First Lady-in-Waiting was right. The princess should not have said so. I think she was fine.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:03
Are we still First lady and waiting here? Yep.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:06
And think of her and gratitude to yourself, oh Czar.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:09
The first lady and waiting continued.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:11
You plan to make her the heir of your throne, and yet she says she wishes she was the farmer's daughter so that she could deck herself out in ribbons and have the boys come calling her. A nice thing for a princess to say, the Czar, when he heard this fell into an awful rage If the boys come going.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host14:25
A nice thing for a princess to say. The Tsar, when he heard this, fell into an awful rage, Terrible. The truth is, whatever temper the princess had, she inherited direct from her father.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:38
Yeah, isn't that awesome he was pissed.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host14:41
This is such a good story.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:44
Wow, whoa.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host14:46
He roared Just that way send the princess to me at once. I'll soon have her singing another tune.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host14:54
So the first lady-in-waiting sent the princess to her father and as soon as he saw her he began roaring again and saying Wow, whoa.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:04
he began roaring again and saying Whoa whoa.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host15:10
What do you mean? Funny old men and silly old women, you'll be all right. Oh, it's still me Now. Whenever the Tsar began roaring and saying Whoa, whoa, the princess always stiffened and, instead of being the sweet and obedient daughter she usually was, she became obstinate. Her pretty eyes would flash and her soft pretty face would harden and people would whisper mercy on us how much she looks like her father.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host15:45
That's just what I mean the princess said there are a lot of funny old men and silly old women. I'm tired of them. I want to be amused, I want to laugh. Ha ha ha.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:01
I don't know if I can do three of them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:04
Wow, wow, wow.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:08
Roared the Tsar. A fine princess you are. Go straight back to the schoolroom and behave yourself.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host16:16
So the princess marched out of the throne room holding her head very high and looking so much like the Tsar that the First Lady-in-Waiting was positively frightened.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:26
Oh, yeah, scared her, scared her tushy.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host16:30
The princess went back to the schoolroom, but she did not behave herself. Yeah, she was really very naughty. Naughty when the poor man who knew more than anybody in the world about the influence of Tsars upon the destines of nations, came to give her a lesson, she threw her book out window. Yeah, when the super what?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host16:55
what kind of word is that super annuated?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host17:00
super, super annuated.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host17:04
Nobody knows what that word is.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host17:05
The old general who was teaching her military maneuvers offered her a diagram on which the enemy was represented by a series of black dots and our soldiers by a series of red dots. She took the paper and tore it in two. What, and worst of all, when the old scholar who was teaching her Turkish, what Of?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host17:39
course. Oh man, oh my word, she was naughty when the Tsar heard all these things. Really, he just wow-wowed something terrible. Lock that young woman in her chamber. He ordered Feed her on bread and water until she's ready to apologize.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host18:05
But the princess, far from being frightened by his treatment, calmly announced I won't eat even your old bread and water until you send me someone who will make me laugh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host18:25
I feel like I'm in a Grease movie Now. This frightened the Tsar, because he knew how obstinate the princess could be on occasions. He ought to know too, for the princess had a streak of obstinacy direct from himself. This will never do, he said. He hurried to the princess's chamber and found her in bed with her pretty hair spread out on a pillow like a golden fan. That was strange detail, my dear, said the czar. I was joking. You don't have to eat only bread and water. You may have anything you want. Thank you why?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host19:04
why do I feel why?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host19:06
do.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host19:06
I know why you think that this is a musical the princess said but I'll never eat another bite of anything until you send me someone who will make me laugh. I'm tired of living in this gloomy old castle with an old man and old woman who do.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host19:36
I can't keep it up. This may be one of the most disturbing things I've ever had to sit through.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host19:41
Who do nothing but instruct me with the father, who always loses his temper and says well, well, well.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host19:52
I can't? Did you just really wow, wow, wow. But it's a beautiful castle, said the poor czar, and I'm sure we're all doing our very best to educate you.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host20:14
But I want to be amused as well as educated, educated.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host20:18
The little princess said and then, because she felt she was going to cry, she turned her face to the wall and wouldn't say another word that's awful.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host20:34
That's the worst thing I've heard so far. She's not gonna say anything. The rest of this story. What was the czar to do? He called together his counselors and asked them uh, he asked them, how was the princess to be made to laugh? The counselors were wise about state matters, but not one of them could suggest a means of amusing the princess. The master of ceremonies did indeed begin to say something about a nice young man, but instantly the Tsar roared out, such a wrathful that I might have just peed a little. The master of ceremonies coughed and pretended he hasn't spoken. The master of ceremonies coughed and pretended he hasn't spoken. Then the Tsar called together the scholars and the teachers and the first lady-in-waiting. He glared at them savagely and roared.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host21:37
Oh, again.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host21:41
Well, whoa, a nice lot you are. I put you in charge of my daughter, and not one of you has sense enough to know what the poor child needs A little amusement, I have a good mind to have you all thrown in the dungeon, but your majesty quavered one poor old scholar.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host22:01
I was not employed as a buffoon but as a teacher of astrology.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host22:06
Excuses, and I another said as a teacher of languages.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host22:13
And I, as a teacher of philosophy, sir Silence.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host22:21
Roared the Tsar. Between all of you, you have about killed my poor child. Now I ask you, with all your learning, doesn't one of you know how to make a young girl laugh? Apparently not one of them did, for no one answered, not even you.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host22:44
The czar Tsar said, looking at the First Lady-in-Waiting when you called me to court the First Lady-in-Waiting answered drawing herself up in a most refined manner you said you wished me to teach your daughter etiquette, as you said nothing about amusement. Quite naturally, I confined myself to the subject of behavior. If I do say it myself, no one has ever been more devoted to duty than I. I am constantly saying to her that isn't the way a princess should act. In fact, for years there has hardly been a moment in the day when I haven't corrected her for something.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host23:29
I'd like to punch the first lady waiting in the face right now.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host23:33
She's doing her job, whatever.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host23:36
It's a kid, it's a little girl. Poor child groaned the Tsar. No wonder she wants a change. Oh, what fools you are all. In spite of all your learning, don't you know that a young girl is a young girl even if she is a princess? I thought this was his idea in the first place.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host23:57
In the words of Bubba true dat, True dat. Well, the scholars weren't any more help to the Tsar than the counselors. And finally, in desperation, he sent heralds through the land to announce that to anyone who could make the princess laugh, he would give three bags of gold.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host24:19
I know who's getting the gold.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host24:22
Three bags of gold don't grow on the bushes every day. Well, no crap, are you kidding me? Does it really say that? And instantly, all the youths and men and old men who had stories that their sweethearts and their wives and their daughters laughed at, hurried to the castle.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host24:41
And there was a big long line.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host24:42
They brought their dad jokes One by one. They were admitted to the princess's chamber. They entered hopefully, but when they saw the Tsar sitting at one side of the door muttering Wow, wow in his beard, and the old first lady in waiting at the other side of the door watching them scornfully and the princess herself in bed with her lovely hair spread out like a golden fan on the pillow, they forgot their funny stories and hemmed and hawed and stammered and finally, one after another, to be turned out in disgrace.
25:27
I think now would be an excellent time for a sponsor break. We've been having a blast with our podcast and if you've been with us for any amount of time, you've likely enjoyed some of our silly commercials from Bricklebrit Inc. An obvious fictitious entry.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host25:48
Entity.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host25:49
Entity An obvious fictitious entity.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host25:55
We are pleased to announce that we have some pretty big plans moving forward and very soon, bricklebrit the company will no longer be a fairy tale.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host26:05
What, what, what.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host26:08
One exciting thing we have planned is a Tales of bedlam based board game. That has been in the planning phase for some time. We are getting really close to making it a reality and we'll be submitting the details to kickstarter in the near future kickstartercom.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host26:28
There will be plenty of gold to be mined and moved, armies to muster and marshal castles to buy and deserts to traverse, All intertwined with your favorite Tales of Bedlam characters.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host26:41
Whoop, whoop. I am so excited.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host26:44
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Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host27:10
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Micah (Knob Twister)Host27:12
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Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host27:14
Boop, boop. We can't wait to share this journey with you, and thank you so much for making this possible by listening to Tales of Bedlam.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host27:23
So a quick recap.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host27:25
There's a quick recap for 20 pages. Oh my gosh.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host27:29
So we have a defunct son, which I don't think is defunct because he is an awesome farmer.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host27:36
We have a funny son who loves animals. We have a cranky dad. We have a petulant daughter who wants to laugh.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host27:43
You have some nitpicking brothers.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host27:46
No, the brothers.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host27:49
So we have a king's daughter who is refusing to eat until someone can make her laugh. The king has offered three bags of gold to anyone in the kingdom who could make her laugh. Yeah and gold doesn't grow on bushes. No, it specifically states that it doesn't, and then no one is able to. They've all been turned away in disgrace Because they're weenies, I could make her laugh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host28:22
One day went by, and two and three, and still the princess refused to eat. Well, I hope she's drinking, because she can not eat for a long time, but you have to drink.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host28:31
Well, it just says eat, so I did say eat I think we're good in despair.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host28:35
The czar sent out its heralds again. This time he said to anyone who would make the princess laugh he would give the. Uh, of course here we go he would give the princess's hand in marriage and make him joint heir to the kingdom, because we didn't ask the princess for her consent.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host28:58
That is an awesome prize.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host29:00
No.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host29:01
What.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host29:03
Wow, wow, wow.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host29:07
Well, I mean, if you're a single guy in the kingdom and you've got an awesome joke, but not if you're the princess you could be heir to the king, but if you're the princess, you just gotta marry some random schmuck that has a joke.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host29:27
Yep, pretty much Good fathering, parenting 101.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host29:32
I had expected to wed her to the son of some great czar. He sighed but I'd rather marry to a farmer than see her die of starvation.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host29:44
Or you could spank her the herald. Oh sorry, it's you again, Nice.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host29:51
Nice, the heralds rode far and wide until everyone, even the people on the most distant farms, had heard the czar's offer. And we're back to Mahalo.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host30:05
Mm-hmm.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host30:07
I won't try again, said Mahalo, the oldest son of the farmer. I've already told you about what. Why did they add that in there?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host30:21
I'm going to start that all over again.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host30:25
It's like the narrator Three quarters of the way through the story and all of a sudden we have a narrator. I won't try again. Said Mahalo, the oldest son of the farmer I've already told you about. I don't know why we had to tell you again. When I went there the day before yesterday, I began telling her a funny story out of my Latin book.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host30:46
That was hysterical. I bet that was funny.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host30:49
Um patria sum pate. But instead of laughing she said oh, send him away. So now she'll have to starve to death for all of me.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host31:01
Me too, said Jackoff, the second son, when I tried to tell her that funny story of how I traded the moldy oats for the old widow's fat pig. Instead of laughing, she looked at me straight in my face and said cheat the moldy oats for the old widow's fat pig. Instead of laughing, she looked at me straight in my face and said Cheat.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host31:19
Yeah well, that's what you are big jerk. Worthless jerk. Stefan ought to go, Mihalo suggested. Maybe she'd laugh at him.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host31:28
Everybody else does. He spoke sneeringly, but Stefan only smiled who knows, perhaps I'll go.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host31:38
If I do make her laugh, then, oh my brothers, the laugh will be on you. Yes, for I shall become czar, and you two will be known being known as my two poor brothers. Oh, sorry oh what a joke that would be. Stefan laughed loud and heartily, and his little sister joined him, but his brothers looked at him sourly.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host32:06
He grows more foolish all the time.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host32:09
they told each other, but when they were gone to bed, melitza slipped over to Stefan and whispered in his ear Brother, you must go to the princess, tell her the story that begins In my young days, when I was an old, old man. I think she'll just have to laugh, and if she laughs then she can eat, and she must be very hungry by this time.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host32:44
Yeah, probably pretty hungry, I'm kind of hungry and I've only.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host32:48
They say it was three days now.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host32:50
Yeah.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host32:51
So it might be four by this time. I'm hungry and I haven't eaten in three hours, oh my, we should get something for you.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host32:58
At first Stefan said no, he wouldn't go, but Milica insisted and finally, to please her, he said he would. So early the next morning he dressed himself in his fine Sunday shirt with its blue and red embroidery. He put on his bright red sunday sash who doesn't have a sunday sash and his long shiny boots. Then he mounted his horse and before his brothers were awake he rode off to the czar's castle. There he awaited his turn to be admitted to the princess's chamber. When he came in he was so young and healthy and vigorous.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host33:37
Wow.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host33:39
That he seemed to bring with him a little of the freshness of the outdoors. That's not you, nope, nope. The first lady in waiting looked at him askance, for without doubt he was a farmer lad and his table manners probably were not good.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host33:55
No, he doesn't know a solid fork from his main course fork, does he?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host34:00
He probably didn't use a fork, he just rams it in. Well, he was a farmer lad and for that reason he didn't know that she was the first lady in waiting. He glanced at her once and thought what an ugly old woman.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host34:17
I like him.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host34:18
Wow, I like him already.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host34:21
He thought it, he didn't say it out loud. Welcome to my life, sir.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host34:27
You would have said it out loud.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host34:29
I don't say it out loud, I think it.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host34:31
I've been with you in public.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host34:33
It's true, it's hard. Touche and thereafter he didn't think of her at all. He glanced likewise at the Tsar, and the Tsar reminded him of a bull. What's that mean? Of his own?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host34:48
Yeah, one of his own bulls on the farm.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host34:51
He glanced likewise at the Tsar, and the Tsar reminded him of a bull of his own. He wasn't afraid of the bull, so why be afraid?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host35:00
of the Tsar Boom.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host35:01
Suddenly he saw the princess lying in the bed with her lovely hair spread out on the pillow like a golden fan, and for a moment he couldn't speak.
35:16
He knelt beside the bed and kissed her hand. This just, it was love. Weird first sight princess. He said I'm not learned and I'm not clever and I don't suppose I can succeed where so many wise men have failed. And even if I do make you laugh, you won't have to marry me unless you want to, because the reason I really came was to please meets la mo. The reason I really came was to please melissa melissa.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host35:47
Who is that?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host35:48
jesus, you're singing again. I have to go back and say kudos to Stefan. You don't have to marry me. He's giving her consent. Thank you, sir.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host36:01
Chivalry.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host36:02
Yes, princess, my dear little sister Melissa. She loves me very much and so she thinks the stories I tell her is funny and she laughs at them.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host36:14
Last night she said to me Stefan, you must go to the princess and tell her the story that begins In my young days, when I was an old, old man. I think she'll just have to laugh, and if she laughs she can eat, and she must be very hungry by this time, I am the princess said with a catch in her voice.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host36:37
Then she added I think I like that little sister of yours. I think I like you too. I wish you could, I wish you would, I wish you would Tell me the story.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host36:57
But, princess, it's a very foolish story.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host37:01
The foolish are, the better.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host37:06
Is foolish a word I don't think it is.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host37:08
It is now.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host37:10
The more foolish. This is a terrible grammar Go ahead.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host37:13
It gets now the more foolish. This is a terrible grammar. Go ahead, it gets there.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host37:16
Just here the first lady-in-waiting tried to correct the princess for of course, you are the first lady-in-waiting, for sure I am. How embarrassing, how embarrassed am I right now? For of course she would have said, the more foolish the better. But the Tsar shut her up with a black frown and one fierce Whoa.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host37:45
Oh, you so walked into that one.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host37:47
I so did. Well then, he began In my younger days, when I was an old, old man, I used to count my bees every morning. It was easy enough to count the bees, but not the beehives, because I had too many hives. Is this the nonsense? Because I'm lost, I have to read this. One day, when I finished counting, I found that my bees Was missing.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host38:22
No, try that again.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host38:25
I found that my best bee was missing. Of course At once I saddled a rooster and set out to find him. He.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host38:35
This is the best story ever. Wow, father, cried the princess.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host38:42
Did you hear what the savant said? He said he saddled his rooster before it was shot.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host38:59
I could make this story way funnier, but it's already long enough, Muttered the Tsar and the First Lady-in-Waiting said severely. She said severely.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host39:06
Princess, do not interrupt.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host39:09
Young man continue His track led to the sea, which I rode across on a bridge. The first thing I saw on the other side of the sea was my bee.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host39:21
He found it.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host39:22
He found his best bee there. He was in a field of millet, harnessed to a plow. That's my bee. I shouted to the man who was driving him is that? So? The man said, and without any words he gave me back my bee and he handed me a bag of millet to pay me for the plowing. What? Okay, I took the bag and I tied it securely on the bee. This is a huge bee, or or a small sack, you don't know. Then I unsaddled the rooster and mounted the bee.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host39:56
It's a huge bee, huge bee.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host40:00
The rooster, poor thing, was so tired that I had to take him by the hand.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host40:06
Whoa.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host40:07
But the rooster has a hand and led him along beside us.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host40:11
Father the princess cried. Did you hear that he took the rooster by the hand. Isn't that funny?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host40:32
Quite done, grunted the Tsar and the First Lady-in-waiting whispered.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host40:42
Hush now.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host40:43
Let that young man finish.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host40:46
Wow, I got a big one coming up, I know.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host40:50
It goes like for Like a thousand words.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host40:55
Whilst we were crossing the bridge, the string on the bag broke and all my millet spilled out. When night came, I tied the rooster to the bee and laid down on the seashore To sleep. During the night, some wolves came and killed my bee. What? And when I woke up I found that all the honey had run out of his body.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host41:20
That's not how it works.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host41:21
What? That is not okay. There was so much honey that it rose up and up until it reached the ankles of the valleys and the knees of the mountains.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host41:33
That was a huge bee.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host41:36
Then I took a hatchet and swam around to a forest where I found two deer leaping about on one leg.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host41:45
I found two deer leaping about on one leg.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host41:49
Just making sure I said that. Right, okie doke, I shot at the deer with my hatchet. No, you threw your hatchet. K, you threw your hatchet, killed them and skinned them With the skins. I made two leather bottles. I filled these with the honey and strapped them over the rooster's back. This is one handy rooster. Then I rode home.
42:12
I no sooner arrived home than my father was born. What Eh, what Eh what. We must have some holy water for the christening. I said Seven ravens. I suppose I must go to heaven to fetch some what.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host42:28
And how was I to?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host42:29
get there, I thought of my millet. Sure enough, the damness that made it grow so well that its top now reached the sky. Huh, this is weird.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host42:40
What millet? What are we talking about?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host42:43
I thought his millet all spelled out. Oh, okay.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host42:46
Yeah, Okay okay.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host42:48
The millet he got from the dude that had his bee, who was plowing the field.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host42:52
Sorry, I lost track. There was so many twists. Millets reach the field. Sorry, I lost track.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host42:57
There was so many twists. Millets reached the sky, so all I had to do was climb the millet stalk and there I was in heaven, oh Jack, the Beanstalk here going on. Up there they had mown down some of my millet, which they had baked into a loaf and were eating with bold milk. That's my millet. I said what do you?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host43:24
want for it?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host43:25
they asked me I want some holy water to christen, my father, who has just been born that makes no sense, and nobody asked him about that time travel. So they gave me some holy water and I prepared to descend again to earth. But on earth there was a violent storm going on and the wind carried away my millet. So so there I was, with no way of getting down. I thought of my hair of course it was so long that when I stood up, it covered my ears and I needed a scrunchie.
44:01
It was so long that when I stood up it covered my ears that's really long really mine covers my ears, chin length at least and when I laid down it reached all the way to the earth oh, oh well that was long.
44:18
Weird physics going on there. So I pulled out a hair, what Tied it to a tree of heaven and began descending by it when it grew dark Now we're in Rapunzel I made a knot in the hair and just sat where I was. It was so cold in the hair and just sat where I was, it was so cold. So I took a needle, which I happened to have in my coat, split it up and lighted a fire with the chips.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host44:50
Oh, Father the princess cried.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host44:56
Stefan says he split a needle into kindling wood. Isn't it funny.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host45:03
I'm not sure it's funny. I'm so lost. If you ask me, the first lady-in-waiting began, but before she could say more, the Tsar reached over and stepped on her toe so hard that she was forced to end her sentence with a little squealy. Oh mean, the princess you see was smiling and the czar was hoping that presently she would burst into a laugh, so he motioned stefan to continue.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host45:32
oh, oh, please. This story is intriguing. Oh, you didn't see my air quotes. Sorry, that was.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host45:41
Quote Intriguing. Yeah, I think it's more confusing than everything, but I'm just trying to get through and not ask questions, because I remember the title of the story was Spoke Nonsense. Then I laid down beside the fire and I fell asleep. While I slept, a spark from the fire fell on the hair. Oh, and burned it through I fell to the earth with such force that I sank into the ground up to my chest. Quick scene. I couldn't bud, so I was forced to go home and get a spade. What Wait?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host46:21
You can't budge. How did you get home?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host46:23
and get a spade.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host46:26
Don't interrupt. So I was forced to go home and get a spade and dig myself out.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host46:31
Wait, that doesn't make sense.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host46:34
On the way home, I crossed a field where the reapers were cutting corn. Mm-hmm. Okay, the heat was so great that they had to stop work.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host46:43
Popcorn.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host46:44
I'll get our mare, I said, and then you'll feel cooler. Horses always make me feel cooler. Oh yeah, you know. Our mare is two days long and as broad as midnight, oh, and she has willow trees growing on her back.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host47:03
Mm-hmm Representing tears.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host47:09
So I ran and got her, and she cast such a cool shadow that the reapers were at once able to go back to work.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host47:16
Oh, okay now.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host47:18
They wanted some fresh drinking water, but when they went to the river they found it frozen over. I don't want to live here. This is some weird crap going on. This is a backwards world. They came back to me and asked me if I would get them some water. Certainly, certainly. I said I went to the river myself. Then I took my head off. What, what? Then I took off my head. That's what it says, yeah. Then I took off my head and with it I broke a hole in the ice.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host47:52
Oh my.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host47:54
This isn't funny, by the way. I was waiting for the funny part. After that, it was easy enough to fetch them some water, but where's your head? They asked oh, I must have forgotten it.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host48:20
You're trying to sing, oh father.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host48:22
The princess cried with a loud laugh.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host48:28
He says he forgot his head. Then, stefan, what did you do? What did you do?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host48:43
Oh Lord, there's more. I run back to the river and got there just as a fox was sniffing in my skull.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host48:53
Hi, there I said pulling the fox's tail.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host48:56
The fox turned around and gave me a paper what? On which was written these words Foxes can write. He just gave me the paper, didn't say he wrote on it. Now the princess can eat, for she has left, and Stefan and his little sister are very happy.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host49:20
Ha ha ha, that wasn't funny.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host49:23
What's the funny part of this story? What nonsense.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host49:26
The first lady in waiting murmured With a toss of her head I'm tossing my hair, you don't have any hair?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host49:33
No, I tossed mine though. Yes, beautiful nonsense, I'm tossing my hair. You don't have any hair, no, okay, I tossed mine, though.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host49:38
Yes, beautiful nonsense.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host49:43
The princess cried, clapping her hands and going off into a peel after peel of merry laughter Lard, Ha, ha, ha ha. Why does she sing everything? I don't know We've already gone through that.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host49:57
Isn't it beautiful nonsense, father? Why does she sing everything? I don't know? Isn't it beautiful nonsense, father? Ha ha, ha, ha, ha ha. And isn't it Stefan? A dear lad and father, I'm awfully hungry. I'm hungry, too Hungry. I'm hungry too. Please have some food sent in at once, and Stefan must stay, and eat with me.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host50:28
I'm never sorry when that's over. So the czar had great taste of food brought in Nice Roast birds, mmm and vegetables.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host50:40
Eh.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host50:41
I burned some calories listening to that crazy story and wheat and bread.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host50:46
Eh, I'm just going with the roast birds and many kinds of little cakes Mmm Cake and honey and milk and fruit.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host51:01
Eh, I'm pretty good with the feast.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host51:02
very specific on the platters that were brought in. That's good. Bring me the bird, skip the vegetables and wheat bread. I'll take the cake and honey. Uh, I'm lactose intolerant. Keep your milk. I'm okay with fruit. And Stefan and the princess ate and made merry and the Tsar joined them, and even the first lady-in-waiting took one little cake, which she crumbled in her handkerchief in a most refined manner. What, how is that refined.
51:36
Why did she eat it? Then Stefan rose to go and the Tsar said to him Stefan, I will reward you richly. You have made the princess laugh and, besides, you have not insisted on her marrying you. You are a fine lad and I shall never forget you.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host51:55
But father the princess said I don't want Stefan to go. He shan't go. He amuses me and I like him. I think he's kind of cute what he said. I needn't marry him unless I wanted to. But, father, I think I want to marry him. We could walk down the aisle and ride. There'll be dove flying in the sky.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host52:33
We'll exchange vows and love each other forever man that went on way longer than it needed to.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host52:48
Oh that was a bonus.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host52:50
I wasn't even looking ahead. I already did my wow, wow. I was just wow wowing for you to stop. I'm going to do-wow. I was just wow-wowing for you to stop. I'm gonna do it again. Wow-wow. The Tsar roared what. My daughter married the son of a farmer.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host53:08
For shame.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host53:11
That was fine. That's what he said. Can't go back on your word, sir, now that there's consent.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host53:15
It's true.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host53:17
Now true, now father the princess said it's not you, what it's? No use you're wow, wowing me at me and you know, it isn't If I can marry Stefan. I wouldn't marry anyone else. You're kidding me. And if I don't marry anyone?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host54:09
else I'm going to stop eating again.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host54:13
So that's that.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host54:16
And still holding Stefan's hand, the princess turned her face to the wall.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host54:22
Speak to the head. I'm uh.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host54:28
I have no words. What could the poor czar do? At first he fumed and raged, but as usual, after a day or two he came around to the princess's way of thinking.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host54:41
Man, he just caves.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host54:43
She's got him wrapped around her little finger. In fact, it soon seemed to him that Stefan had been his choice from the first.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host54:52
And when one of the counselors remarked, Then, your majesty, there's no use in sending word to the neighboring kings that the princess has reached a marriageable age and would like to look over their sons.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host55:09
What's going on? He already made the deal. The Tsar flew into an awful temper and roared Wow.
55:17
Wow, wow you blockhead Neighboring kings indeed, and they're good for nothing, sons. No siree, did I just really read? No siree? Yeah, the husband I want for my daughter is an honest farmer lad who knows how to work and how to play. That is the kind of son-in-law we need for this kingdom. This guy needs to sit down and talk to somebody. He is just all over the board. So stefan and the little princess were married and from that day the castle was no longer gloomy but rang with laughter and merriment and idiocy. That wasn't in the story. Presently, the people of the kingdom, following the example of their rulers, were laughing too and cracking jokes. Strange to say. They soon found they were working all the better for their jolly.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host56:18
Laughter grew so fashionable that even Mihailo and Jakov were forced to take it up. They didn't do it very well, but they practiced at it conscientiously. Whenever people talked about Stefan, they always pushed forward importantly and said Ho ho ho, do you mean Stefan, the laughing prince? Ha?
Micah (Knob Twister)Host56:46
ha, ha, ha ha.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host56:48
Why do you know he's our brother? Ha, ha ha ha ha. As Melitza, the princess had her come to the castle and said to her I owe you all my happiness my dear For you was who knew that. I of course I would laugh at.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host57:17
Stefan's nonsense. What sensible girl wouldn't.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host57:26
I can't tell you how happy I am that that story ended with your strange musical interlude you're welcome I have no idea what happened. I think the moral of the story was be happy and joyous don't live don't study or be a cheater just no, no, wait, wait, wait.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host58:00
We shouldn't tell kids not to study study or be a cheater. Laugh and be silly all the time no, there is a time for studying and a time for laughter and joy no real time, though, unless you're playing hand and foot.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host58:20
There's a time to sow and there's a time to reap. There's a time for all things, but mostly just laugh.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host58:31
It's the best medicine.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host58:34
It's the second best medicine. Well, that was rather long and strange, I think. The only thought that I have of this is it's a strange Russian tale, because they're not known for laughter and frivolity, right, you don't think Russian and think oh nonsense story, you think no, serious, very serious we need to kill them all now. Nuke something, man. We're crappy Americans. Cold war, we like the cold. We must work very hard to help our neighbors.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host59:18
What is big deal?
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host59:20
We're done, we're out.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host59:22
Good night.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host59:24
Bye, holy crap.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host59:45
That was only an hour and ten minutes.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host59:50
Really, I think you're going to cut out half of it. It'll be about 30 minutes long. I didn't cut out half of it, it was all gold, you cut out about half of your singing.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host59:59
Oh my god, that's mean I don't know why she had to sing the whole show. I just felt it in my heart.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:00:11
I'm glad for your enthusiasm.
Micah (Knob Twister)Host01:00:13
It'll make a great episode.
Dustin (Sofa Sitter)Host01:00:16
It was awful. Really, I'm not sure that I have fast forward option ah, it's painful, wow it's painful. You didn't have to hear it. Oh, oh, I'll hear it when I edit the thing for two hours well then, you just let me let me know about your pain.